I want out. I want to die… I have nothing left to fight for. I have nothing… no one. Not even my friends, anymore.
I’m thought… I have friends… but how can I trust that? How can I believe it? When I need for someone to notice that something is wrong, when I need a hug or for someone to say that they’ll be there for me… no one ever does. Only when they thought they lost me did they actually say anything. And within a few minutes they forgot about it.
Like I’m taken for granted and always have been. I’ve sat and listened through almost all their troubles that they see fit to share with me; I’ve supported them as much as possible, and I’ve never ever rejected anything about them, or them. What am I supposed to be, exactly? I know that I’m a pretty distant person, though I listen whenever anyone tells me things.
But I hate been that “one friend”, the one who’s always been there and is now taken for granted. My friends barely know anything about me. I hate telling them about me… I’m too screwed up and too much shit is happening in my life for me to burden them with it.
They say we’re friends… but I don’t think friends would do this to me. Talk over me, through me, especially when I’m finally able to get up enough courage to say something. I’m sick and tired of listening to them FOR them, and never being truly listened to. I can’t live like this. My family is no better. They know me and care for me less than my friends do.
I feel so alone… I’m so lost. I have no purpose, no will, no love. The web of lies I wove to protect myself is now in flames and falling to pieces around me. I need to get away from this all… permanently. If anyone knows an easy, fast way to die I want to know what it is. I can’t handle living anymore… not alone. And when I say I’m alone… I mean people I’m around… and I just can’t stay close to them for some reason. I get pushed away, by myself and them, whether they realize it or not.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
hi, i can relate, as i was reading i thought this is me.but some advice, push through it. don’t end it now. your taking the easy way out. prove all of them wrong. be yourself, and forget them. who cares about them, only they do. your in this life for yourself, don’t anyone else determine your ending. you can beat this. give it a while and see, if things are still really bad, and i mean really bad, find someone to talk to. not those counsellor people there hopeless. but just someone that will listen, even a animal. i talk to my dog, it helps a little. don’t do anything now, you will regret it later. it will all be okay. your life is more important than those so called friends frienship. and as for your family screw them. they may have given you life but it’s not theirs to control.
happiness starts with a smile:) so smile. take care
wow i know this feeling my friends did this to me friday thats why i got so pissed off at them. i would not listion to what they say and then they will ask whats up or just get better friends someone whos going to hear what you have to say lol
That is exactly happening to me!! I was reading this and I was in shock because everything you think is what I think, of myself and other people(friends and family). Anyways I just wanted to point that out. My friends don’t listen to me and when they do they fucking fake it and say all this sorry shit you want to hear and then go on with their lives. I give my friends hugs whenever their sad or a caring hug, but do I get one in return? Do I get listened to? Do they care about me? FUCK NO!!!!! I’m sick and tired of having my hope and love crushed! I feel your pain bro
I feel you so much… I’ve been wanting to end my life for a while now and None of my so called “friends” seem to notice my change in behavior, I had even told them that I was thinking about killing myself you want to know what they said…. “Amber you need to stop thinking like that.” Yeah thats what they said… I have always been there for them when they have called me crying and bawling their eyes out. I have made my way to their houses which are on the other side of town. I don’t have a car so I take about an hour long bus ride to go talk to them… And when they need someone to make them feel loved and happy again they go to me…But they never are there to make me feel better… I feel so Fucking alone all the time it sucks and I’m losing it….
But its relieving that somebody feels the same way i do? maybe we can be friends and we can listen to each others problems and help each other out since nobody else seems to care?
Yeah, it seems a lot of people feel this way… and akgirl, I’d like that. :]
If you want to talk my email is blackswan1661@gmail.com