I haven’t  accepted being depressed I don’t know it’s like I never feel present I either miss the past or am afraid of the future. I feel like I try so hard to get back into things and feel “normal” again but what is normal, I keep telling myself that if I never became depressed that I’d be doing so much more but that’s not true because I wasn’t all that better and time going by makes me feel like I’ll never be free and that makes me never want to grow and become bitter and lonely. I don’t know if it’s just me but I have this image in my head of who I would want to be if I were to get through this but on the other had I’ve been depressed for quite some time now and it’s hard to make that a reality it’s like I’ve become so used to the pain I can’t see myself any other way.
I don’t know where I was going with this
2 comments
I know what you mean. I don’t remember what it was like to to normal, or happy, or functional. I’ve had depression for that long it took all of my teenage years and as things seem to be going, my adult life too. I keep redefining the bottomless pit I seem to love. I don’t know how to get out of this nightmare, I just want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I just want this to end.
yeah I feel like it pulls you in like it becomes your comfort zone