Trying to figure out if it’s worth it.

I haven’t self harmed since December, and I’ve been having such strong urges to do it again. I’m trying to figure out if it’s worth it.
The last two times I hurt myself, I developed severe staph infections. I learned that I was allergic to one antibiotic for the first staph infection and developed serum sickness which basically feels like your bones are exploding within your body and your face is melting and really it just feels like you’re dying and eventually I went into shock and had to go to the ER. The second one was MRSA so it required iv antibiotics. It was embarrassing and degrading to be asked so many questions about my scars and scabs by nurses and doctors and the infections were the most painful things I’ve ever felt in my life.
Despite all of that, despite that I know I could easily contract staph again because I’ve had it recently, I still think it might be a good idea and it might be worth it to self harm. Those few minutes of relief, of self punishment for being such a fucking idiot, being able to forget that I feel alone, I think it’s worth it.