Feeling Regretful

I’m feeling kind of down today no particular reason just feeling down. I went out today and whenever I go out (besides school) I get to see how depressed I really am and that just makes me feel even worse about myself, tonight I’m feeling regretful because I’m still depressed and I remembered something seven  months ago I was called into the social workers office at my school to talk about my depression and I lied to the lady’s face just because I didn’t want anybody to look down on me and I feel really stupid because I could have been better but the thing is I’m always wanting to feel cured of my depression but I don’t even know what “cured” is anymore does it mean I’m going to be this super awesome person, you know ? like what do I have to look forward to and do I really deserve it and am I really worthy of it  … maybe that’s my depression talking but either way I’ve lost touch with reality and the thing is I still live in the past and can never enjoy the moment I’m in I certainly not looking forward to the future, it happens everyday I’m never present I always cry about missed oppurtunities