Where have i gone to be..?

So here we are once again… Have you ever felt like no one understands you? Im sure we’ve all been there.. But trust me.. Your NOT alone. You have me. And many other Humans out there to support you. Other Human beings in the same situation.. So I know that who ever you are, your not alone. I have been in some places,,, where no 13 year old should have been, or should have experienced.. Ive done things that im not proud of. Im addicted to cutting for the past 6 YEARS. yeah, that long and that young i was suffering.. My life has always been a big FUCK. I dont have much to offer, but I do have eyes and ears. To listen to your stories and to see your beautiful faces.. I have been in some rough times in my short myserable life.. I have an eating disorder,,, not that I want attention or anything. I would never do the things im doing for attention. Im not that kind of a person. Im bullied at school.. Every single fucking day of my life,, i get bullied, beat up, abused.. My life is just a complite mess.. My dad is an alcoholic.. My mom.. i dont even know her.. She left when I was just 3 funny actually, I once said to her ” I hurt myself so i can feel alive “. Never saw her again. I now know that she has a new “family” shes a drug addict. I sometimes wonder how shes doing.. whats she doing, whats she thinking, is she thinking of me, how is her life without me, does she ever miss me…. fuck… I’ve tried to commite suicide 6 times .. Ive tried everything..mostly.. tried hanging myself. cutting. drowing myself. Jumping off a Gypsi bridge…. But now.. I have a new plan.. Ill put together my father and my mothers combination together. Alcohol, and pills. Now, its not easy.. as i want it to be.. I havent gone out inot the world for almost 3 years.. Ive been inside my room.. Sometimes going days without eating, sleeping.. I was once addicted to the internet.. I was in this group, with other people. We were all suicidal.. and we still are.. I kept inside my room, until one day my aunt came and shut the internet off. I screamed and shouted and cried.. That day was the day, that we all planed to die. With pills and Alcohol.. And she ruined it! My mission was to get the pills.. It wasnt easy belive me.. I have to “act” like i needed them, my friend telling me every single word i was to say to convince her.. and it worked. I want to die.. Thats all ive been want. I have been in the hospital for an eating disorder and well,,,, lets just say, the so called “doctors” said i have mental problems.. maybe i do.. maybe i dont. I have voices inside my head!! They tell me, they talk to me, their my only friends. I have so messed up things. My head is messed up.. I dont even know where this whole thing lead to….fuck…. Can you see..? Im fucking 13 years-old!!! And….And i go crazy for everything! I have this fucking fear to go outside… Im still inside! I never go out.. Its a scary place out there…………. Bye.