How do I begin

How do I begin…

Is this the end? The beginning to my goodbye note?  I remind myself that I’m not doing it for anybody else, only for myself.  Once I’m done, that’s it, you know.  There’s no going back, no second chance or “wait I change my mind”.  I just really don’t want to feel anything anymore.  I have no purpose and no drive to even try to find one.  I don’t want to find one.  I’ve had this battle for so long that it’s nice to throw in the towel, raise up the white flag and declare, I give up.  No more.

And that should be ok you know.  One should be allowed to call it quits.

I don’t want to feel any more…. I don’t want to deal with life.

This is no one’s fault.  I ask God to do something every day.  A very small part tells me that if and when something happens, that will be forever.  There is no going back.  I think about it and realize at the end, that I think I’ll be fine with that.  There is nothing for me to go back to anyway.

I want out of this world.  I want to go somewhere else.  Somewhere else where I can get away from this pathetic humanity.  People are so dumb, naïve, mad, obsessive and hateful.  They are ruining the earth, themselves and society as a whole.  So few remain that know the real reason for living; and yet I refrain from joining them because I feel so done with everything.  I’ve heard it all, I’ve read about it, seen it and I’ve experienced it myself when I was there once.  Now I just don’t want to feel anymore.  It’s painful.

I wake up to watch TV, go to work, come back and watch more TV before I go to bed.  I’m not satisfied with it by any means but there’s nothing more I can or want to do….

I’ll leave this for now……