Meeting an old high school drug dealer for suicide supplies.

I walk around the house all gloomy everyday, and my mother  hates that about me. “I can’t help it, i’m suicidal,” is what I think to say, but do not say to anyone. Day in and day out, I am getting closer to putting my thought of suicide into action. Her anger and screaming only justified what is needed to be done.

I came to a closer realization that being drunk, rather than sober, would be easier for me when the times come. I’m underage, so I would need help from a high school drug dealer. I’m home school now, but when I was in school Joe was the guy to go to for drug. He creeps me out and flirted with me a few times, I didn’t like it, but I know I need him for alcohol and drugs. I’m not commiting suicide sober, I did that once and it backfire because I was thinking to much about what I am leaving behind. Truth is, I am leaving future misery and preventing the worst to come by commiting suicide. I am still not excited about meeeting a high school druggy/gang banger, but I need his help/supplies to get this done. Wish me luck? Hopefully, I won’t get rape in the process. Jesus.