I am consistently in pain and my thoughts are in a turmoil that would rival the fiercest of whirlpools. I have thought about suicide for upwards of 15 years now and I recently tried killing myself after walking out on my job(just couldn’t take the people). I drove my car through a guardrail and into a tree. After the failed attempts I went into a stint of self mutilation, usually burning in some fashion. Now, the burning no longer helps and day after day the thoughts of me ending it get stronger and stronger.
Why is it that when I look into my life I see nothing but darkness and feel nothing but an empty cold. I fail at relationships, never finding someone I can really relate to. I fail at life 29 years and have nothing going for me anymore. I even fail at trying to kill myself. Granted, there were times when life looked up and I had things going for me, but a string of severe heartbreaks mixed with severe depression fixed all that.
I am now at a loss for what to say, at least for the moment.