A Story of 16 year old girl- MY STORY!

It all started when I was 15! I was in 9th standard! High school! The majority people of where I live are not at all broad minded as far as love and relationships are concerned! I belong to a small town-like city of an underdeveloped Muslim country! (I’m sorry I can’t write ALL the info) I fell in love with someone whom I knew since I was in 2nd standard. We had not met after that class but we knew that we both exist in this world- that’s all we knew about each other… I went to a marriage of his cousin and there I saw him after 6 or 7 years as a grown up man! We had eye contact a few times and when I came home I felt DIFFERENT! I opened my FB and saw a msg from him saying “I must say u looked pretty” there… Right there I made myFIRST MISTAKE! I replied! And that’s how our conversation started, we started to chat and talk for like hours and hours! It was just so much like movies but I didn’t know it was FAKE AND THAT he was just messing with me! I kept our relation a secret coz in our society having a bf means U R DEAD! but soon the word spread coz of him… A lady is kept safe in our society inside the walls- but I ruined that part in my story! I sent him pics as he was my bf since a year then and what he did was he showed it to EVERYONE HE KNEW… To almost all of u ppl, this would be NOTHING but if in my country- specially in my city… This means THE BIGGEST THING EVER! I belong to a well known and respected family! My dad is a doctor and he’s loved and known by everyone in this city.I myself have been topper since my very first exam and most of the ppl in this little town know me. So the word spread! I started to lose my GOOD reputation! But still I was BLIND IN LOVE AND I believed he was the best guy ever! I never listened to what others used to tell me about him- all the notorious matters!
ONE day I got a message from his cousin who lives out of our city but knows my family and we know his family. He told me about my bf’s activities and how he’s playing with me and my name! I of course DID NOT believe… Anyhow ONE DAY THE TRUTH REVELAED! and I died…. Emotionally! His cousin, let’s call him H, spent whole 5 months to make me covince that his cousin, my bf is a BEAST! and in these 5 months he had become my buddy! He helped me and did all that he could to make me smile. I knew somewhere in my heart that he does everything coz he thinks of me more than a friend but I always ignored that thought!
I wasn’t actually over my bf and thus I started SELF DESTRUCTION. I used to cut… EVERY NIGHT I used to scream and cry everynight, when my family noticed my body, they acted as mean as they could, asked me if I had a bf I made up stories and denied but THEY knew in their minds very well that I’m lying and thus I got all the restrictions on myself, no iPod no music, no cell no laptop no pc no phone no Internet Nothing that’s how I lived for 5 months. Then in march 2012 I got all the things back after my final exams! H, my buddy… Me and him we continued our friendship. But then a day came when he opened his heart for me and the day i dreaded Came…… I of course denied and told him that he is nothing more than a buddy for me but that definitely didn’t work and he started what I ad just ended coz of his support- yea! SELF DESTRUCTION and that KILLED ME! I had been through that and I couldnt see him hurt!!!! My mistake! At last I accepted his relationship proposal but I admit that I felt nothing with him. Even after according his proposal we.. Used to be like friends… Like besties like a family but not like gf-bf! That used go make him angry sometimes but he was happy coz he knowed no matter wht I was his! I ACCEPT IT AND I WANNA SHOUT IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD that he took care of me more than my own mum dad, he loved me to extreme… I won’t say he never hurt me but yes he always apologized with madness whenever he did! He SAVED ME HE HELPED ME AND YES I don’t know when but yupppp he did become more than a buddy for me after a while! And then everything was going awesome until one day my ex bf thatbeast, let’s call him M, succeeded in his plan. He n his family some of which r my classfellows and were my friends once called my mom and told them about our precious relation…. My pics, my cards and everything… They insulted my mom my dad and said all the mean things they could and they succeeded because their elders were with them…. And they did this for 2 reasons- 1) they had a problem with me coz I spoke against them to my friends… This friends who ended up to be hypocrites and shifted my talks to them 2) they had a family issue with H’s family
They knew H loves me extremely and of he will lose me, he will lose everything and they succeeded upto some level! When my family got to know, I got treated worse than maids in my own home…. Ah ridiculous time it was… It was summer and I was on 3 months summer vacations. Can u imagine 3 months stuck inside the door of ur home with all the restrictions and sarcasm and criticm and bad looks and hatredfrom ur own family…. From those that u love and those who loved u but started to hate u just coz they got to know that I had a relation and that I was in 2nd relation with H at that time. I didn’t lie. I told them all as it was. But when they talked about stopping my education. And when I heard my bro telling my parents that they r gonna make me marry some village guy to get rid of me- that KILLED ME. the brother whom I loved to extreme, whom I had always supported in everything, even in his relationship and gf’s matter said those words, I couldn’t believe. My mom beat me to death- and not once. She used to come to my room every 3 or 4 hours and would say all the mean things, would beat me till I become all sore and the would leave and would come back again and blah blah. My dad who had never slapped me since I was born , beat me…..
I know they love me buttttt they ne’er understood their daughter… Never
My 2 sisters loathed me.
It made me lonely. I was not allowed to even talk to my friends from school. When I heard about my brother’s plan of getting rid of me by making me marry in the age of 16 to a village boy who doesnt even know ABC made me dizzy. I ran to the kitchen…. Grabbed a knife and said to my God… I can’t live now… I cut my skin but the knife didn’t go deep, i put more and more pressure …. And the little veins got cut bleeding a little blood out … And then there I was … On my bed.. Thinking how all did happen and how to kill myself… My heart said maybe H would save me… Maybe he would come… U shall wait… There was some hope on the first day and with every doorbell … I used to get more hope but in a week… Every hope ended. I thought now there is not even a single reason to live. But I had no courage to kill myself…. Nor I had the courage to live… That night I put a plastic bag all over my face to die coz of no O2 but NO I was a scared girl… I couldn’t kill myself. Days passed. Now I am 17 and 9 months have gone by. A month ago I got to know how H has lived without me. his plan was to come to my home after my final board exams. Because he wanted to make me give my exams with peace and then he wanted to free me out of this mess. In other words to take me away from my home. He always has the guts to do it but the only thing that always stopped him was ME. he knew if he failed, I would be shot dead the next minute and that too by MY dad. And he didn’t want more problems for me, he wanted to let me live happily but when he got to know I am dead since that event… And that I can’t live without him. He planned for my run. When I got to know it, I contacted him coz I cannot hurt my family more by RUNNING with him. That’d simply mean A HELL LOT INSULT of my family. Haven’t I already given then pain? I stopped him…. And in the end I fell to the decision that we would stay out of contact for whole 2-3 years until I get to medical college in his city. Then we would be a little grown ups and then we would see how to convince our families.
This “wait” kills him because I am the light to his bright life and his dark life consists of evil deeds and smoking and blah blah but he made a sacrifice for my happIness and I made a sacrifice for my family’s happiness. And that’s how we 2 are gonna live for the next two years. With just a few memories and lots of love to hold on to.
I knowi have ruined his life by leaving him for these 2 years buy my family…….. Can’t hurt them more specially my dad.. I love him… He’s ill… Got a heart attack 4 months ago and I can’t hurt them more. Coz after these 9 months. They are alright with me. Kind too.
I am sorry H. but Its my decision to face the loneliness and its my decision to keepthem happy and I don’t know… Maybe I won’t get u after these 2 years. It’s a BIG TIME and u r a boy… There r plenty of pretty girls around u who r prettier richer and better than me… And maybe I already lost u the day i told u bye for 2 years. But I still have this thing in my heart which tells me. U love me, and if u love me, 2 years won’t matter… They will affect our relation but if u love me, our relation won’t end!
I LOVE U
– Ur lonely “xoxo”