i just want it to all go away. everything. all the hurt. all the anger. all the worries. all the depression. all the harmful thoughts. all the hatred. all the repressed feelings. all the tears. all the anxiety. everything. to just disappear from my life. im so sick of it. im sick and tired of it. and the worst part is, nothing is helping. talking about it doesn’t help. going to my counselor doesn’t help. taking anti-depressant medication doesn’t help. praying doesn’t help. sleeping it off doesn’t help. harming myself doesn’t help. starving myself doesn’t help. crying doesn’t help. nothing. i just wish it would all go away. this is the worst feeling anyone could ever experience….feeling lonely and helpless. cold and distant. dangerous and unsafe. alone and worried. fearful and insecure. hurt and hopeless. depressed and sad. anxious and worried. hateful and mad. its the worst. nobody deserves to feel this way. nobody. i wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. ever. not in a million years.
i wish i could tell someone. anyone. someone who wont judge me. someone who will hug and hold me and tell me that it will be okay. someone who will try to help me. someone who will understand. someone who wont blame me. someone who will support me. someone who wont be freaked out. someone who wont think less of me. someone who will be proud of me for wanting to get help. someone who will help me get help. someone who will be there for me. my parents know nothing. i wish i could talk with them. i wish i could forgive them for all they have caused me. i wish i could tell them that i have issues and that i want to get help. but they wont understand. they never have and never will.
i know that harming myself wont make anything better. i know that skipping meals wont make anything better. i know that isolating myself from everyone wont make anything better. i know that drinking wont make anything better. with all of that running through my mind, it makes me wonder if anything or anyone can help me. im so messed up that i cant even figure myself out. how can i get help if i cant even help myself.
im worthless. im helpless. im hopeless. im friendless. im loveless. im joyless. im faithless. im lost. im hurt. im depressed. im worried. im crying. im thoughtless. im emotionless. im sick. im lonely. im dangerous. im alone. im worried. im fearful. im insecure. im hurt. im sad. im angry. im hateful. im mad. im hopeless. i have so much negative in my life that its impossible to see any good…if there is any.
this is not normal. it is not normal to feel like this. people are supposed to be happy and thankful for what they have. people are meant to love and be loved. we were created to enjoy this life. how come its impossible for me to do any of that. i just wish this would all go away so i can enjoy a normal happy life.
wishful thinking i guess…..
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4 comments
With every word you have written I feel the exact same way. I want to tell you that I understand what you’re going through and I will never judge you. I’ve gone through so many therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. I’ve tried to drink my problems away, smoke cigs/weed, and tried pills. I’ve been on/still am on anti-depressants. I’ve tried everything to make me feel better and its tough. If you need anyone to talk to I’m here for you and although I never take my own advice I can try to help you. Just know that you’re not alone.
I understand exactly how you feel, even though I don’t have it as bad as you do ( I used to btw). I know that I can’t help you with anything that I’m going to say and that’s why I will send you a big warm HUG and sincere wishes that you get better soon.
I can’t claim to know how you feel because everyone’s struggles are uniquely their own and I don’t know that I’ve been through the same things you have. I’m told I’m good at listening though, so if you just need to vent or talk, holla at me. I think we all buy into the lie that out 6 billion people, we as individuals are completely alone and no one cares. Please know that there are always those who care. And there is nothing you could ever do to make you worthless as a person or unlovable. YOU ARE ALWAYS LOVED. NO MATTER WHAT you did or anyone else did to you in the past.
thank you very much everyone. it feels so comforting that im not alone and that you dont judge me. im thankful that im not the only one feeling this way. and thank you for the cyber hug!