I’m beginning to grow tired of this vicious cycle. I meet a nice girl that I like, we get to know each other, I ask her out, she says no. Rinse and repeat. I’ve been depressed for three years. There have been points where it goes away, but it always returns. I don’t even see the point anymore, really. I’ve lost all interest in everything I used to love: philosophy, video games, film, music. Even weed doesn’t make me feel good anymore. Don’t think about giving me the “it’s bad for you” lecture, either. If it were really that bad, why would it be used for medicinal purposes? I’m digressing, however. I met this girl that I really, really like. I may love her. I honestly don’t know, though, since I’ve never been in love. Of course, she doesn’t feel the same. They never do. I’m the epitome of friend zone. I spilled my guts to her the other day by writing her a poem for her birthday. She said “Awh! Dude, I love it. That is the sweetest thing. Thank you.”
I appreciated that she liked it, but was disappointed that I didn’t get the desired result. I guess I’m just not meant for love. If there’s a god, he must enjoy watching me suffer because that’s the only thing I really do anymore. Not even my best friend likes me all that much. Otherwise she wouldn’t be in a psychiatric hospital on suicide watch. If she gave a flying fuck about how I or any of her other friends felt she wouldn’t be doing this. No matter, I’m going to return the favor. Fuck it. I’m done.
Is the carbon monoxide method of death unpleasant? I was thinking about putting a hose in the exhaust pipe of my car and leading it through one of my windows.
3 comments
I was thinking about driving to a park or something and doing it so my family won’t have to clean up.
I’ve been through this same exact cycle so many times. I can’t say I have the winning formula yet but I’ll say the best piece of advice is to get a hobby.. follow your passions, don’t let her be #1 in your life. people want what they can’t have. if you’re always there for her then she’ll never have a chance to miss you. just do your thing and the women will come. it probably seems the opposite of how you think it works – at least it was when i first learned it, but it does work that way.
Suicide is very unpleasant. It is going to be painful no matter what method you look at.
But take a step back. I’ve attempted suicide twice and am happyish now, but very grateful that I didn’t succeed.
You’re best friend is more than likely not thinking two shits about you, but is completely wrapped up in their own cycle of crap. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you immensely.
Life is going to be filled with shit. I rarely drive by a power pole without thinking about how great it would be to ram my car into it. But that isn’t what I’m doing, not because I’m some awesome person whose figured out a cure, or because I’m strong, but because I’m stubborn. Fuck all the shit that makes me hate life. Fuck it big time because if I’m going out, it’s going to be on my own terms, I’m not throwing in the towel because of what some crap hole does or says.
And you don’t have to either. Give life the big FU and keep on going. Besides, good things happen too otherwise we’d all kill ourselves after 2-4 years of life.