Regret

There are so many things I regret, so many things I wish I could change, and so many things I wish never happened. I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve hurt people. I don’t want to hurt anyone. There’s nothing that causes me more pain than the guilt of having hurt someone. I try to change, and prevent these things from happening, but I keep fucking up. I tell myself “never again”, but “again” keeps coming. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I can’t control my own actions, but I know I can. I know that it’s all my fault. I try to be really nice. I like being really nice, and most of the time I am, but every now and then I fuck up. I say or do something that I’ll regret. Who I am, and who I want to be are two completely different people. I look in the mirror and see someone else’s face. I look in the mirror and think “this isn’t my face, this isn’t who I am, this isn’t who I want to be.” I feel like I’m fighting a war against myself, in more ways than one. My body is my prison. I want to escape this prison. I want to change. There are so many things I regret.