i am from a conservative community in India, here marriages are arranged by parents and within same caste. i am an educated self employed woman of 34 years of age, i am ugly and my parents could not fix my marriage in the conventional way .they regard me as a source of their embarrassment( because of my unmarried state).
now about an year back a very nice person from a lower caste has fallen in love with me and i probably could not live without him.
two options for me, die and make it look like an accident and save embarrassment for my parents,
or, marry this person and cause my parents immense pain ,
i guess there are times when death is a merciful release, the people that blame the suicide when they have died after slowly dying every second of their existence were not really most accommodating friends when they were alive, my personal thought, my present experience. my parents and brother will be hurt by embarrassment attached to a suicide in the family but not my death, it will sort all their problems out.
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my parents won’t change and saying suicide is a bad thing is just plain lame. do you think breaking up from my bf will soften the blow on him? my parents won’t be sad at my death if there is no scandal.I want to make it look like disease or accident. someone just told me to live happily as an elderly spinster! wow… i would rather die and make my parents free of the liability i have become for them. i hate my life as it is. It is not depression dear kind reader, it’s my situation. I don’t want to die but i want to live and have children , or raise adopted children with mi Bf, i want my meagre dreams to come true, but they are not to be, without an extreme price paid by my parents. So before i go i’m writing this because i won’t even have the luxury to leave behind a good bye note.
6 comments
If you marry your bf in the lower caste then you will have to put up with complaints from your parents until you produce a grand child. Then your parents will be unable to resist your baby because it is not humanly possible. Imagine your love for your future baby then multiply that by 10. Or try to imagine your baby grown up and the children (s)he will have.
The trick is to hurry up (to absorb less criticism) and also “almost keep secret” their new grand child. This will increase their curiosity especially your mom’s until your parents explode with joy. Probably they will hold your baby eyes glowing turning away toward you sneering that you hurry up cooking lunch then smile at their grandchild again with funny faces.
They will probably give your new husband all kinds of crap. Maybe they will be nice eventually it depends how stubborn they are. You could bring your bf to the ‘states anything goes here. But keep a place at the table for your parents because the rest of the world is a piece of shit (even to them) yet heaven for your parents is as easy as a minute of play with your baby.
I come from an Indian culture and will also undergo those traditions whenever they see fit. I know where you’re coming from, but this caste system is just bullshit. It needs to be abolished and seeing as you’re not married yet – do you think they’d prefer you to be a “spinster” as you put it or married and happy with the chance of grandchildren? Probably the former unfortunately, but you claim to be self-employed. You couldn’t leave and create a new life for yourself and your husband maybe in a foreign country? And actually be happy? OR just wallow in self-pity and sadness and eventually give up.
See that’s a no-brainer for me. You seem smart – don’t waste it. There’s more to a person than just looks and higher caste.
I hope you decide to live and thrive 🙂
You would cause your parents soooo much more pain by killing yourself. It’s a difficult choice to make, but please stay.
dear totallyagree
did you read my post at all? perhaps you are not familiar to the situation of girlchild in conservative India. my parents will be happy to be rid of ugly unmarried middleaged lump of a daughter,yes they will rather see me dead than married to someone from other caste.i shall be doing the duty to my parents if i died now and made it look like an unfortunate accident. if there is no social embarrassment they will accept it calmly as their karma. they have my brother to take care of them. i want to live , but not like this. i am working to make it look like this, i am just waiting to some life insurances to come out of “void if suicide within 2 years” clause.that way my death will benefit my brother and i shall have paid of a fraction of money they spent on my upkeep and education, till i graduated. i am not the kind of daughter they had wanted i shall try to contain damages as much as possible
i really don’t want to live without the one person who loves me…
Can’t your parents find you someone better. If my parents arranged for me to get married to a millionairess with low sexual inhibitions, I’d be pretty happy with that situation.
CBS news had this story on TV last week about surrogate mothers in India. Yes there are problems and no there isn’t any sex involved. But they showed rooms full of these Indian mothers they were brilliant smiling a little each glowing like a unique Mona Lisa.
The CBS news caster prattled on as I started thinking about Karma Sutra and all kinds of things that were totally not in the narrative. Jini writes well she’s strong self-reliant smart and loving to her bf and parents, plus I bet she’s damn sexy too.
I agree with Soft Falling Rain. And Jini’s boyfriend is probably a freakin’ genius. You rock on Jini you’ll figure it out, sister. 🙂