Waking up even hurts

Love is the most important thing to me. If I have love I have everything, without it I have nothing. It is all I have desired since I can remember coming of age. You have to love yourself before someone can love you. When you feel like you are nothing and you have nothing it can be hard to do that. Don’t give up, people love you, it may not be the love that you want at the moment but it is still love and you are worthy of it. You are 40, that is not even close to the end. I have a 60 year old neighbor that found a boyfriend a couple years ago. They do so much together it is cute to see. If you give up on yourself, so will everyone else. We become conditioned to our relationships, dependent on the other person. When change occurs it shatters our existence. You can and you will overcome this. You need to go to therapy, learn skills to help you. You can’t do it alone and there are people out there qualified to help you. I do hope you can lift yourself up and take a small step that will lead you to happiness. 4 years ago I was making six figures a year. 2 years later due to seizures I was forced to move to a position less demanding. Due to an increase in seizures 2 years later, now, I can not work at all. I went from having it all to having nothing but the person I love. My seizures have become so frequent that I often come through not even recognizing the person I so dearly love. With the onset of seizures I found myself forgetting my life, not knowing who I am. I have to keep a video diary to remind myself of important events that have taken place in my life. I watch it now and then and cry because I am loosing who I am. You know who you are. For the pain you are suffering, for the pain I am suffering, there are those out there going through worse. If you can’t pull yourself together for you, do it for your children. I wish you the best, god speed Angelina.