Today I kicked my children’s mother, I was angry I made my children cry. im a coward sitting under a noose that im trying to pluck up the courage to put my head through. but im torn I feel like I need to hug my boys before I say good bye …. im cold and confused I wish someone else would kill me
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You made a mistake.
You shouldn’t try to make up for it by offing yourself.
Think about it – your children and their mother will be extremely emotionally stunted to learn that you have died and in such a way. They’d feel responsible and would probably never fully recover. Stop being so selfish. Think about them. And stay for them.
Get some help for the anger – therapy might help.
Why exactly do you want to kill yourself?
I have always had thoughts about killing myself, even as a child I wrote suicide notes and wanted to die, my cousin killed himself in a young offenders institute last year and I am quite envious that he had the guts to end it like that …. I feel like if I dont manage to meet my maker at my own will then I will go around and around in circles with this anger and destroy my childrens lives in the process, if I go today my boys wont remember me as they are both under two yrs old. I have destroyed my family by hitting my wife today … I cant stand the way this world is evolving, the anger and hate the lack of respect morals and decency I feel like I am being eaten from the inside every time I hear the news. I feel sick that I have made two little men and this world is all I have to offer them …
and its not one mistake … it has happened a few times in the last 12 yrs. I have come to the conclusion that I am an animal … I would rather not be here anymore, I just need to say goodbye to my boys
And thanks for your reply NooNoo
Jesus – if people killed themselves after getting angry and hitting their wives/husbands and even their children a few times, all the men and about 25% of the women in my family would be gone. Anger therapy seems like a way better alternative to suicide – the impacts are better for your family and you.
You’re not an animal – you just have your fucking eyes open unlike so many people today. You actually see things as they are. People are arseholes. The world is regressing. And it doesn’t seem likely to change.
Your boys are the ones who are going to suffer, as well as who I am assuming is your wife or something to that effect. There will always be that missing void that was you in their lives if you decide to commit suicide.
There is no upside. Don’t do it.
You’d be scarring your wife and your children beyond repair – who knows, in ten to twenty years they may be considering following daddy’s footsteps.
@pippin, violence is a scary thing. I can’t promise 100% there is hope, but I believe it is there. I grew up in a pretty violent household and I have forgiven. I still love. Most of all, I have found it in me to understand. Your awareness of your anger puts you many steps ahead. You’re admitting you have a problem. You want to hug your boys. That shows love to its core.
I can understand the hurt that comes with causing someone ache. The real question is…have you done everything in your power to overcome this rage? That’s my criteria for determining suicide…have you done everything you can possibly do to heal? Have you sought out medication? Anger management courses? Perhaps even divorce if it is a issue of forced marriage to keep the family together (which in my opinion, is not a good reason to stay married) despite deep conflict?
I disagree that you are selfish and I think that is perhaps the worst thing someone can say to someone suicidal. It highlights the shame of suicidal thinking and only encourages people to hide it, and even act on it for fear of judgement.
I hear your pain. I also feel a sense of hope because you talked about hugging your boys. I don’t think you are a bad person but I do hope you try to exhaust all your resources to get help first. Baseball, snowball fights, birthday parties and graduations are waiting for you. There are lots of hugs waiting for you. You deserve them but yes, help is necessary.
Do this for yourself. Nobody can live for anyone else–that would be like asking someone to exist for the sake of just being there physically. That accomplishes nothing. You need to be on this Earth spiritually and you have to make peace with yourself first. Do this for yourself and the rest will follow.
I don’t think you should kill yourself – you should find out why you did that and work with someone to change your thinking and behaviour. You can call a domestic violence shelter and they will sometimes help the people who hit.
Also, really sorry to say this, but I think you should leave your wife and children until you figure this out. (NOT by killing yourself, but to go get counselling and live somewhere else until you can be certain you understand and it will never happen again.) If you love your wife and children, you can’t subject them to violence any more. And it will have to be outside help, for you. And your wife probably needs counseling too – because it is very damaging to be on the receiving end. Again, a domestic violence shelter will offer free counseling.
It’s really good that you are acknowledging it. Killing yourself will cause them more distress and confusion. Help yourself, that will help everyone. Best of luck. I mean it.