What’s happening…

I think I’m at the cusp of dissociating. Too much shit happens too fast and it’s like being caught in a whirlwind, only without the cool wind and debris flying past you. If only…

So where to begin?

So, I have these cats.

One of them has a broken tooth or something and I need to drag hm in to a vet because seeing him how he is is breaking my heart, but a vet bill is expensive. Sometimes I think I should just get rid of the cats altogether – it’d make everyone’s life easier, although it’d be removing one of the few things that gives me any happiness. Life is too complicated.

So, I have this sister…

The only one I actually have the ability to care about. She tells me one day, “Hey, I was raped…” She’s living in a condemned house with a kid, got an eviction notice recently, and my other sister (the one I couldn’t care less about) is making it impossible for me or my family to do anything for her. Life is too absurd.

So I have this life…

And it seems more monopolized with worry about other people and other things than about the things I actually care about, and I can’t see any way of untangling it. I pick fights with random strangers for no conceivable reason, just to outlet some frustration from time to time. I burn my bridges faster than I can build them because hey, I don’t have any time for anything else – all my time is everyone else’s time already.

So where am I headed? How do I get out of this mess? Severing all ties and going homeless sounds like a utopia right now. Either that or self-immolation in the yard; not sure which is more attractive.