im 17.im a girl. i just dont care anymore. i smoke too much weed.i was molested by an immediate family member when i was little. i hate myself. i go to an all girls school. i hate it. all my friends ever want to do is party. i want a boyfriend but i know im too crazy to have one. no one could take me. i have no real friends. i was gang raped by drug dealers a little more than a month ago. i cut myself. my moms an alcoholic and sometimes stays out for nights.. i know ive gone mad. i know it. its so easy to die. no one cares. i used to open up to people… theres so much more thats wrong here. but idk i dont care whatever…. my end will come and i accept it
3 comments
I pitty you, but the way i see it there are two options
Die or Live.
Ok if you a proper hardcore serious about dying plan it, see what you have, (razors, rope ect)
And do reserch on suicide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alt.suicide.holiday
May i surgest Alt.Suicide.Holiday
http://ashspace.org/
Plus find a place where you can pull it off, do not do the house, but do it in school hour find a spot in school an kill yourself.
Well that is number one
Here is number two – Living
Talk about your problems the people on here will not judge you, becase they are in the same state as you…Suicidal
I mean take me for example
I am Gay, my farther is DEEPLY homophobic and i have a boyfreind…and i would gie anything to go to an all boys school.
I mean you want a hetrosexual relationship but you are in a same sex school
I wnt a homosexual relationship but i am in a unisex school.
So i wish you all the best and remeber no matter how hopeless it seems someone loves you…and always will
Oh and before you ask it is not me 😀
Here is a clip to lift up your spirts
CLIP ONE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcNug6ShlEU&feature=related
CLIP TWO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWdZ5QzPuU0&feature=related
Oh and if you cannot get a boyfreind well there is an old russian proverb that says
If you cannot catch the bird of paradise, better take a wet hen – Russian Proverb
Hey, sorry to hear your story, sounds like true hell.
All I can reccomend is trying to learn to love yourself. It might take a while, since it sounds like people have treated you like dirt, and that that has made an impression on you.
But no matter who you are, you are not dirt, you are a human being.
And most humans need love. So start by loving yourself. Hug yourself, comfort yourself, kiss your own hand, look for things you like about yourself. Look hard. It may be something about your appearance or about your way of thinking or your way of talking or your sense of humour or the ideas that pop into your head.
Find things you enjoy doing, things you are good at, things you are drawn to, things you find interesting.
Keep on thinking and thinking about things you love about yourself. Things you respect about yourself.
It might take a lot of effort, but once you can honestly and truly feel that you love yourself, others will too.
Just to get you started here are some things I like about you:
You say you used to open up to people. Excellent.
You want a real relationship. That’s pretty mature at 17. Good job.
Good luck and lots of encouragement 🙂
Daniel
thank you daniel, that helped me alot, i just went to my psychiatrist and opened up to him alittle. see, i am incredible at hiding my pain. others would never in a milion years guess what goes thru my head. it scares me how good i am at acting. my therapist was floored by some things i told him. and ive been seeing him for a half of a year. he plans to put me on anti depressants as soon as possible. ive talked about a few other issues on here. only a few though. its hard. it makes me want to jump out my bedroom window frankly. my self worth is still low……. and dark sunshine, your post made me laugh alittle for some reason. i dont fully understand the position you are in but i do have several friends who are in the same position you are in. listen, i can tell by your post, you probably dont listen to others often but this is just a suggestion… stop caring. dont give a fuck what your father thinks. he will eventually have to come to terms with the fact that you are gay. join or start gay rights/ support groups at your school. look around you, you are not alone. you are never alone. maybe you could see a therapist? get pills? and i know you are probably sitting reading this rolling your eyes thinking im such a hypocrite or that i should practice what i preach. but today when i talked to my therapist, i realized that there is hope. oh and i also wanted to let you know… irony– my godfather just got married to his partner of 15 years this morning. they are happily joined in a civil union. even when my grandfather didnt accept him being gay AT ALL…. proof, that there is hope, and that you can get out of this. well get thru it.