I live in my own world, all on my own with no one to accompany. This all may sound dramatic but hey, let our feelings resound. Although I’m young, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have big problems. Nowadays I feel useless. It’s like I want something to happen in the future but not really making an effort to make it happen. That’s… That’s just who I am now. I don’t give a crap about education. Instead, I have a dream of being a succesful online artist whose art will inspire people and I’m going to make the dream happen. Even so, I don’t want to make my parents feel disappointed in me. My grades are falling terribly and my discipline is getting quite bad. There’s this monster inside me who wants to explode and crush everything in its way — in my way. That’s the me now. I get worried almost every day on how my future will be. I’m scared that I’d turn into someone psychotic or maybe even a bully. I don’t want to be a bully. So I tried the next thing on my mind — Suicide.
My way of suicide isn’t as bad as you think. I’m a coward, scared of pain and death even though I want it. All I could do was try stabbing a scissor through my stomach and I tell you, it didn’t work at all. I withdrew right before it could sink into my skin. The second try didn’t work either. I tried suffocating myself. Like the first try, I withdrew before scolding myself of how scared I am of death.
If I fall down the stairs, would that be considered as suicide? I don’t know. I wish I could try.
I hate how they critique me by my mistakes. I hate how they critique me by what I’ve said. I hate how they critique me by my incredibly lame jokes. So what if I’m bad at Math? So what if I’m not as smart as them? So what if I got a zero on a test?
Not that I care.
Nothing matters anymore.
They all can give me looks, see if I even give a damn.
I’m not a freak.
A picture describes a 1000 words, so I hope that this picture of a girl wearing a mask with a knife stabbed through her would describe enough for them to know how much every word hurt me.
I have nowhere else to open up until I found this website. I got no counselor or psychiatrist to help me put my depression to rest.
Insult me, hate me, scold me, hurt me.
Let’s see if I care.