It’s all gotten too much, a gradual and long drawn out slow painful 2 year’s that I can not believe and I’m left with only one option my suicide. Well I am 40 single and never been married, no children and only one family member, my mother who I live with. I have a history of depression that lifts what seems briefly for 6 months at best. Also a chronic back pain condition that meens constant pain, have pain meds saved an ready for attempts. Have been usein drugs for a few years to numb the pain, not worked for year’s, and a string of aweful relationships, including two that resulted in abortions my girlfriends didn’t want to keep them. Now I’m in a terrible place 7 months of solid depression, after a crazy drug fuled summer with my ex heroin addict G friend. I stopped taking dihydracodine 7 weeks ago because I was playing russIan roulette with them drinking and taking way to many I just didn’t care if I woke up. No one will understand how much physical an emotional pain I’m in, I need to end it I just am not willing to put myself through any more depressions or chronic pain so my mother is not guilty or upset, I’m starting to hate her now, I’m a total mess it must end :-(.
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3 comments
I hear you and I sincerely hope things get better for you.
Hi,
I’m not sure why you think being in a relationship is anymore beneficial than having true friends (I’m talking about real friends, not people that self destruct along with you). People in relationships are often very miserable….they have just become very good at putting a happy face on when they’re in front of people. Proof of this exists in the fact that the divorce rate in the US is almost 50%.
I would like you to try something….Is it possible you could go vegan for a while and see what that does for your back pain? Please consider this even though it sounds odd. Also, cut out sugar (except from fruit) and wheat all together. I think your mood will improve and you will have hope. Also…please try joining a yoga studio…lots of pretty girls and a great place to make friends. I have had BPD my ENTIRE life….I don’t know if you know anything about it but it is a living nightmare that cannot be medicated. The only way to manage it is through intense psychotherapy multiple times a week. I’m 70000 in debt from school, have a worthless degree, the woman of my dreams wants nothing to do with me, my sister who was 27 died of cancer recently, my parents don’t care much about me anymore because of their grief over my sister, etc. If I have hope than so can you:)
Sorry about your sister collegebpd, I’ve tried alot of things for. back pain and I’m just tired of it all now. I just know that it’s not worth being here anymore really you get to a point you just know. My choices are another horrible anti depressant, take opiate pain killers and become physicaly addicted or just carry on in total misery. The UK is awful for mental health and doctors are useless with back pain just more pills. Sorry I’m really messed up just it never ends, I’ve had multiple deppresions they last to long and even when not deppresd I’m in pain. No real friends they have lives and really wouldn’t wanna here this. My mom hasn’t really got how bad I am, isolated lonely and in pain, I never feel comfortable sitting or standing, I car’nt take anymore hopeless day’s.