No future…no point in living…

Well, i somehow found this website, why not share my miserable story. I’am a 25 year old male, born in former soviet union asshole of a country, in a poor family, my parents were young and stupid, did not plan me, i wish so badly that my mother had an abortion instead… Parents split early,  mom started living with this aggressive guy who abused her and controlled her by fear, he beat her, sometimes for my fuck ups when i was a child.  She is still living with him just because of fear. My dad is a total loser, never could see up to him, poor as fuck, dated stupid ugly women only.  So i grew up in these fucked up conditions, and became fucked up myself. I hated school, never could get used to it, got kicked out in high school, and never finished it. I did not get bullied much, cuz i just did not give a fuck, and had some friends who were the ”popular kids”.
Right after i got kicked out of school, i got depressed. Soon the suicidal thoughts started coming to my mind. Visited therapists and psychologists, with no real help nor results. So i somehow struggled thru life, never could keep a job over a year. Most of the time unemployed. Never could accomplish anything. Hated myself since i can remember. I had only one relationship with a girl for a year, she cheated on me and i got hurt really badly. Started to hate women, cuz they only hurt me. Few friends i had moved to different countries. I had only one friend left, and he mostly used me.
I have always been socially awkward, had to lie about my life and myself, to everyone so they think that i am ”normal”.

Two years ago, i moved to a different country, basically escaping from my problems, financial and emotional, wanted to start fresh. But actually things got worse. I hated living here since the first day, been waiting for a reason to start liking this place. But everyone hates formal soviet citizens, think of us as lesser people. Never made friends with anyone. Staying at home most of the time. Living on social benefits. Been depressed for almost 2 years. I have been depressed before, but never as much as i am right now. Thinking of suicide almost everyday.  Just now, i discovered i have ADD and social anxiety, thanks to that i am and always have been psychologically unstable. I can’t control myself, i make idiotic mistakes all the time, usually with serious consequences, which makes me more to hate myself and more depressed. Tried to look for help, but due to language barrier its very difficult, and its difficult enough to look for help in first place… Nobody understands me and never did. I’am loosing hope fast. I really don’t see a future for myself. I hate women and children, so i never wanted to form a family, never seen the point of it. I can never find a job that suits me or i like, and even if i would find one, i will fuck up things sooner or later as i always have… So now i am sitting here, and thinking of suicide, like most evenings. I really really hate life and myself, i wish so badly that i was never born…
(sorry for my bad english)