“I can see the scars.” she said.
I realized now that there was no use to hide them, I was scheduled to leave by train in an hour anyways.
“what about them?” I replied.
She looked at me for a while. I could tell she was searching for something. Maybe some lost light behind the darkness. Some hope within me.
“Why?” she answered.
“Why what?” I replied.
“Why’d you do that to yourself? I’ve never gotten the point of cutting. What does it help?”
(Reply to her in the comments.)
(p.s. I will be doing these often and titling them ‘!!!’ I hope I get comments.)
5 comments
It makes me feel whole, like another part of me can come out of the darkness. It helps with the emotional stress and pain and helps bring the anger out on myself instead of towards others. It helps me cope, and it feels as if I have a friend who will never leave me; will always stand by my side. Bottom line it takes away the problems for a split-second that others just can’t.
it brings peace to the sorrow and fills the hollow void in your soul. The physical pain gives you something to feel other than emotionally broke.
Because with cold steel and ointment, you can absolutely be as selfish and stupid as you want. You don’t have to worry about hurting or being a burden on anyone else. You don’t have to wonder what people will think about the worst of you, because these cuts and scars are *far* from the worst of me; the worst are those thoughts that I will never articulate because a) I refuse, and b) I can’t. You don’t have to worry about people leaving.
And because sometimes I feel like I don’t exist, or that I could kill a man.
because it’s gorgeous, decadent, lustful misery. almost as good as dying.
think about how you feel eating chocolate. now the chocolate has tiny bits of glass in it.
now the chocolate has been made with a little cocaine in it. this, my amigos, is more socially acceptable than digging a box cutter into your arm. either go with society or against it, but never stop doing what makes you feel good.
Because I can’t think or feel emotional pain when I feel that self-inflicted physical pain. I’d rather have that kind than feel hurt or heart-broken.