If I just put half of the energy, time, and money that I’ve spent trying to maintain my life and find something to make me “happy”, then I could have my way out in no time at all.
There is simply not enough time in a day for me, not enough money can be earned. I try changing myself and my demeanor, but I’m just too tired come evening, and the facts of my situation stay the same no matter how you look at them. There’s no one around to help me, and maybe there shouldn’t be because I’ve failed to help myself.
It is up to each of us to put value and meaning into life, and I value my own existence at nothing. I don’t want to scrape by anymore; I’m ashamed and exhausted. Going out of life will be the closest to happy for me; the idea of chasing “after death” is my dream now.
1 comment
You can make a list of all the things you’ve ever wanted to do. It could be the most simple act of using bubblegum toothpaste instead of mint. Just make a list of five things you have always wanted to do and focus on doing that. Money has no value. The work people do to maintain this piece of shit society we live in is as empty as the soda cans fat people like me throw in the garbage. Indulge! Indulge! Indulge! Spoil yourself! It is your life! Truly sit down and think about the things you desire and go after it. A lot of people are scared to fulfill their desires because of what other people think of them. Life is too short to deny yourself indulgences. Sex, food, wine, the “sinful” treats we scoff at but secretly want to devour. Dive in! Whatever your desire is, don’t let anyone, especially yourself keep you from reaching out for it.