I’ve read many of these sites and there seems to be one obvious thread thought out all the posts I have read. And that is that none of belong in this world. This is the overwhelming emotion/thought that I experience everyday of my life. More lately. I’ve been given medication and sometimes helps. It actually makes me apathetic which I do no like but it gets through one more day. I journal and that helps some, but my thoughts are dark and all I see is horribleness and tedium in this world. Even logging in a posting here seems useless. I mean really, what will it change in the end. I know I will kill myself, it’s just a matter of when. Those that have the desire and the feeling know what I mean. There will just come that moment when it’s the right time, the right place and the right opportunity. I know mine will come before the end of this year, soon I think. Thank you for those lesf behind for a least reading my post.
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My doctors haven’t given me medication because they have found it makes me more suicidal… That’s my point is that meds don’t stop people from killing themselves. The only meds that work are coma-inducing ones, they can’t keep me asleep foreverd! The only thing that works for me is detention, and I have to think of positive things about my life. How I’m feeling etc, until they’re sure I’m thinking clearly enough that I won’t leave them and die somewhere else. Luckily I’m hardly ever detained, because I don’t like it when doctors won’t let me leave until I decide that asking them to help me die isn’t right! A hard lesson to learn… Plus I don’t want to be threatened with an ambulance to hospital, I don’t want to be held back at a doctor’s appointment for ten minutes longer all because I blurt out something like “Can you please shoot me!” Stuff like that. So now I keep suicide a secret, but now my life is also getting better so I don’t want to die yet at this stage.