Locked Out

There is no question that the worst state for a living being to experience is one where they are suffering badly enough to desire to die and yet they do not have a way of dying.   I am so horrendously disabled that I might as well be kept in chains.  Committing suicide in such a condition is all but impossible.  Certainly I am ready to do it and want to do it.  I can use my arms and legs but I have no way of accessing a gun so I’m left with hanging or jumping from a building.  Hanging is not easy, I’ve discovered, as I particularly worry about surviving with brain damage and being too impaired to try suicide again.  As for jumping the only time I could have access to a tall building is in hospital but being this disabled means I’m not usually left alone in the hospital for very long and I’d have a hard time getting to an upper floor.  I feel so trapped.  This is how animals feel in factory farms where every day is torture and there’s no way to die till someone else finally slits your throat.  I don’t have anyone in my life that would love me enough to accept that my suffering means I am better off dead and should receive help by euthanasia.  Only if they were to actually experience what it is like to live like this would they understand why euthanasia is necessary.  Let me tell you folks there are two forms of suffering and there is an infinite gap between the two.  One form of suffering is just, suffering, it is painful but the individual still desires to live.  An example of this would be an individual with cancer who desires very much to keep living and goes through chemo to try to stay alive.  Now imagine going way, way, way beyond cancer.  Here is the other form of suffering which is called torture.  It is where the individual is suffering to an extreme that they only desire to die.  There is no desire for “survival” in fact “survival” is the most horrifying thought of all.  For this individual death is looked forward to as a release from a living hell.   It might be that you are horribly deformed, perhaps severely burned or perhaps so disabled that there is no quality of life, no enjoyment of life.   One sign of being in this state of extreme suffering is that you panic when you wake up in the morning because you don’t feel you can bear another day. This is why I strongly believe that euthanasia should be readily available to everybody and made attainable for the disabled who can’t leave their homes.  I also strongly believe that disfigured or severely disabled babies, like I was, should be allowed to die at birth not “saved.”  Society is not helping those babies by keeping them alive so they can spend a lifetime trapped in a body that cannot support normal life.  In a better world I’d be able to choose freely to go to a euthanasia clinic and be put to sleep.