Hi. I’m DahliaHawthorne, a person who feels like dying. I think everyone should have an attachment to something if they’re considering suicide. Like video games, or the really good veggie straws. Simple pleasures, you know?
My username comes from Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations.
Skip the little rant below this if you don’t care for video games. Yes, I am a female. TL;DR: I love Capcom. Their games are the only reason why I’m here right now. No, not my birth, not my science, not my family. Video games. I don’t have a life. Yeah.
Let’s start off with a honest confession:
I am hopelessly obsessed with the Ace Attorney series.
It started maybe back in October 2012. I never understood all of the OBJECTION meme stuff, and, well, I decided to look it up. I stumbled upon GCDotNet, the youtube channel. They have walkthroughs and video playthroughs for general video games including all of the AA series. I decided to start off at Trials and Tribulations, and became addicted to the series. All of it. About a month later when I’m pretty far in my obsession I stumble across the commentator for the playthroughs of T&T and the other ones such as Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective. His name is arglefumph on Youtube and I love him almost as much as I love Cry/Cryaotic/ChaoticMonki. He does alot of series-including the AA spinoffs such as AJ (yes, I consider Apollo Justice a spin-off) and ME:AAI. But I cannot get through my day without thinking at least once of the running joke in AA.
Or Ema and Apollo.
Where the word “fop” came from.
What happened to Iris Fey.
Apollo’s so-called “chords of steel”,
and so many more things about the series. I love it so much. I can’t live without it (literally.)
You’re probably wondering what this has to do with suicide, but I just thought I should let you guys know-that it helps to have something you are attached to, something you love so dearly you will not and cannot let it go.
I roleplay, and often question my existence. Yes, I don’t believe in God. No, I’m not an Atheist. I’m agnostic.
If you wanna take that issue up with me, go ahead and try.
I don’t know if this matters to you, but you’re beautiful.
Dahlia.
8 comments
I don’t think you “have no life” specifically you are a gamer, and I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of being one, or having that as your fall-line (sorry, mechanic’s word). It’s something enjoyable, and appeals to your generation. If it’s what keeps you here, then it is no lesser a thing than what anyone else may love just enough to not die. I believe in God, but it would be un-Christian of me to take up with you your choice in the matter of faith; you were given a rational mind and free will, and you chose to be agnostic. I completely respect and understand that. It shouldn’t be something you need to apologize for, especially when you’re at the point of discussing this kind of thing on this kind of website. Simple pleasures are universal and know no religion, and if the one you cling to is games, then games are just as valid of an anchor as hiking, or travelling, or cheeseburgers.
It matters to me, and you are beautiful to me too, thank you.
Alright, i’ll bite.
Atheism vs. Agnosticism
What is the difference?
If you lack belief in any “God,” then that, by definition, is “Atheist.” Lacking Theism is the reason for the ‘A’ in front of ‘Theism.’
If you do not believe in “God,” then you are Atheist.
I think everyone is “agnostic” to an extent, but the term itself is way too “gray area” and ‘hipster-ish.’
The only real difference, for me, is that i, as an “assertive atheist,” insist that we have no reason for even wondering whether there is any such thing as “God,” because there is no evidence of anything divine or supernaturally powerful within our realm of possible observation. There is nothing *in reality* to make anyone of sound mind, think there is a “God.”
Do differentiate yourself from “Atheists,” while also claiming not to believe in ‘God,’ is quite laughable, and by definition self-contradictory. You either Do, or you Don’t. You say you don’t. Therefore, you are Atheist. But you say you’re “not an Atheist,” which means you don’t lack the believe in a God. But THEN, you use a false comparison, or false contrast, as though “not believing in god, but open to the possibility, assuming evidence arrives” is any different from “Lacking Belief in God.”
ALL Atheists are “open to the possibility.” It’s just that there is zero indication observable in our spectrum of observation, to suggest that any such thing exists. Even the mere possibility of such a thing existing, seems… beyond astronomically implausible. But sure, we can’t prove there isn’t something we can’t see or find… but i don’t think that is a good enough argument to validate the idea of Theism.
No one “chooses to be agnostic.” We simple learn to ask questions.
No one “chooses to be atheist.” We simply lack belief.
Belief is not something i started with. I will not gain such a thing until something causes that effect. Nothing causes that effect. Therefore: i lack belief. It’s not something i’m missing. It’s something i do not need, and do not miss. It’s just one more type of excess that causes its own realm of problems i decline to receive.
Also, i found it interesting that you’re basically saying that it’s okay to embrace your possibly unhealthy obsessions, as long as it makes you not kill yourself.
But as soon as you “decide” not to kill yourself, most people sure do have a problem with anyone exhibiting signs of “obsession.”
I think you’re right in saying “it’s okay,” but i think it’s RAWR: right answer, wrong reason.
It’s “okay” because you’re alive to do something you want to do, which can only be enjoyed while alive. So there’s that, at least. But that’s quite ambiguous, and could be applied in some pretty drastically different and negative ways, too.
Whatever it is you take from this, i wish you continued enjoyment in your gaming. I shall do the same. ^^
Wow, i am disgusted with myself over the unprecedented quantity of typos in that last comment of mine.
Aldous Huxley is credited with the term “agnostic”. That term basically means “unable or incapable of understanding God”.
@cosmic:
Interesting. I hadn’t really done much digging on agnosticism. It just seems like the cool thing to be, for people who are afraid to say “i don’t believe in god,” but don’t think the whole religion thing makes much sense.
“…if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice…”
By choosing “i don’t know,” as your answer, you’re basically giving undue credence to the completely unfounded idea that there is a God, and not only that there is a God, but that at least a majority of what any religious person says about God, is true.
The most likely true statement about “God,” is that there isn’t one. In this particular case, we have enough lack-of-evidence to define theistic claims as unsupported and downright absurd.
It would be impossible for us to simply not notice the impacts of the most powerful force ever conceived. “God” would have to be more powerful than the combination of all the “black holes” in the entire universe. We find black holes, but… where is “God?” Miraculously Stealthy? Why would a God spend so much effort on being undetectable, while there are so many things that need doing to help “his” suffering beings on earth? Mysterious Ways! He’s helping us by letting us suffer, i guess?
The whole thing is just utterly ludicrous. Saying “i’m agnostic” is an intentional avoidance of the term “Atheist,” because Atheists everywhere are being persecuted, demonized, shunned, ostracized, and generally hassled and antagonized, just for insisting that something so powerful and important would surely leave some sort of observable “mark” through which we might identify and verify its existence. But Nope! Nothing but whatever science can find (which, if you look, is quite a damn lot, actually).
Earlier, i thought about a picture representing “the observable universe,” and then drawing an arrow pointing to outside of “the limits of what we are and will be able to observe,” and labeling it “God is Here.” (beyond our observation capabilities)
I find stark irony in the fact that I, as an Atheist, spend so much time and energy disputing Theism. My lack of belief and subsequent lack of need for belief, has been transformed into needing other people to stop believing such a farce, so that i can get on with my life, without all this interference and obstruction from Theists.
How profound is it, that “not believing in God” matters so much!
It’s the idea of God… the “meme” of God, working in mysterious ways… because the ways of the believers are often quite mysterious to me; even psychotically irrational, perhaps even Pure Evil. Persecuting people for not believing in what doesn’t exist, and a group of people who don’t even value evidence, demanding “proof” to disprove the existence of a thing that, according to their own definitions and stories, cannot exist.
It’s madness… and it’s driving me mad via osmosis.
Get it off of me!
AAAAAGGGHH!!!
“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice”. That’s a Neil Peart lyric, he’s the drummer from Rush. He’s read a lot of Ayn Rand.
Saying “I don’t know” is being honest, it’s an acknowledgment that you don’t know everything, that maybe there’s still more left to learn. Maybe we as a species haven’t evolved to our full potential yet, perhaps we are still “a work in progress”.
Maybe trying to understand “god” is like trying to describe color to a blind man. Or describing music to someone who’s deaf. Are there any words in the English language that can accurately convey descriptions of concepts to people who are ill equipped to understand them?
That’s my understanding of agnosticism. Human’s just haven’t evolved to the point where they’re able to understand …what…..”the grand scheme of things”. This doesn’t necessarily include the involvement of some supernatural deity, either.
@clevername
but… GOD is real! wah-hahaha! madness!
sorry, had to.. ;P
@Dahlia
video gaming is totally fine! whatever is it that can hold your interest while you’re here is good.. I’m kind of the same..
it’s one of the things that help me to keep going..
find the things you love or enjoy and hold on to them.. even if they’re small..
and never bother caring if other people think those things are stupid or
insignificant.. as long as you care about them, people’s opinion never matters..
anyway, you’re beautiful too! just keep it up and life your life how you want! 🙂
Yes, i realize it’s a rush quote.
Interestingly enough, i’ve wrestled with that particular notion quite a bit. There’s some nuance i dislike about it, but occasionally it falls into a valid and relevant usage opportunity.
Also, you can say “i don’t know,” and in general, i agree with your defense of acknowledging the possibility of missing information. It’s the wise thing to do, and if you’re sure you can’t be wrong, then you can’t learn anything else.
But in this particular case, saying “i don’t know,” is representative of a certain… grayness. Like what i described.
It’s impossible to not know that there is a staggering Lack of Any Evidence. And if you’re so uninformed that you are unaware of the staggering lack of evidence, then how can you wear any label at all; especially that of “The Agnostic.” That’s a very intellectually demanding label to wear; you can’t “just not know” if you’re calling yourself that. It means you’re staring the staggering lack of evidence square in the face and saying “but their completely fabricated and unsupported claims seem like they might be worth considering, despite completely lacking any evidence?”
Agnosticism just seems… lazy. Whereas i think it is supposed to imply striving to not choose a side before you have enough information. But that’s just exactly the reasoning behind atheism. Don’t validate claims until they’re supported with evidence. Why argue with someone who has zero evidence to support their claims?
WHAT IF SANTA IS REAL!?
I mean… i could say there isn’t enough evidence to disprove Santa, regardless of it being physically impossible to do his job, and the required technology to make it happen, being completely non-existent, or even fictional.
Being “Agnostic” is the same as saying “Santa might be real, so i’ll wait to decide.”
But yeah. As for “i don’t know…”
It’s good to know when you don’t know. It’s good to admit when you don’t know. It’s good to know that it’s better to know the difference between knowing and not knowing, and why it’s important.
You see… lots of people claim to “know” that God exists. But they don’t seem to understand the difference between “knowing” and “not knowing,” and don’t realize how important that difference is… or do they? Maybe they swear up and down that they “know,” because they “know” that if you just insist, persist, and then impose your will upon others, it will likely result in getting your way. That’s why there is a Pope, and lots of churches. Someone knows that saying “i know God Exists” will get them their way.
I will say: “i know God does Not exist.”
Because i “know” that i can be wrong. I am, after all, only human. I can make mistakes. But if there’s a perfect God who makes imperfect humans on purpose, while giving them enough intellect to question his undetectability, then an “all-good” God, would certainly not have a problem with me being exactly what he wanted to make. And if such a god were to punish me, then he was never worthy of worship in the first place. You can’t punish me for being exactly what you wanted me to be, and then expect my allegiance.
The whole thing is just asinine. If there IS a god, i’m sure he would laugh his ass off and congratulate me for being so skeptical and refusing to believe in what he has made completely undetectable.
Either way… no one who wishes to be taken seriously, should be calling themselves “agnostic,” and the semantic point remains: “Atheism” literally means lacking Theism. If you don’t believe in God, then you lack Theism, and hence, are an Atheist.
Agnostics are simply afraid to call themselves Atheist. I wonder who they most fear: “Wrath of God?” Or “Wrath of Theists?” I can tell you which of those things is most threatening.