I posted here a few months ago, but I forgot what username and email I used.
I have had difficult to diagnose health problems for a long time. Â Due to a long list of symptoms, the 20+ doctors I’ve consulted over the years either don’t want to attempt a diagnosis due to the complexity of my poor health, or I have been misdiagnosed and given treatments that don’t provide relief, much less a cure. Â My symptoms correspond to stone-producing kidney disease, chronic fatigue, and Lyme disease. Â I may also have lupus, and/or multiple sclerosis, and/or rheumatic arthritis. Â Maybe even fibromyalgia. Â My quality of life for the last 15 years has headed only in a slow downward direction. Â I haven’t been able to work for 12 years and survived on savings and inheritance. Â I am not so much depressed as much as I am profoundly weak and in pain most of the time. Â I have attempted pharmaceuticals, herbals, change in diet, change in environment, and nothing provides relief anymore. Â The physical quality of my life is miserable.
Due to an error in judgment in who I told about my desire to end my life due to suffering, I ended up in a mental institution. Â I may be able to obtain a shotgun only through less than legal means as my FOID card has been invalidated in my state’s database following my hospital stay. Â My research indicates that a shot from a 12 gauge shotgun into the mouth with a slight upward angle (to take out the brain stem and cerebellum) would be fatal.
In looking for the most reliable method possible, a shotgun is my first choice. Â A handgun would be my next choice but I don’t want a suicide attempt that, if survived, leaves me in a worse condition than I already am. Â The handgun would have to be a .38 or .45, but I’m not sure what kind of “mushrooming” bullet I would need, hollow-point, soft-point, full metal jacket, etc.
If I can’t get a gun, then I would use helium and an exit bag. Â I have already tried the helium exit once, but after 30 seconds experienced extreme anxiety and couldn’t continue. Â If helium is the route I take, I am hoping 0.75 mg to 1.5 mg of xanax will combat the anxiety enough to finish the job.
I really am ready to go. Â I’ve been through a long enough period of misery.
5 comments
Hey numb_x, I’m going through similar struggles. The doctors try to help me but they only make things worse. Personally I think a shotgun would be more reliable but make sure you don’t screw it up. On this site I’ve heard of a lot of failures with the exit bag. I think it’s because they’re adding oxygen to prevent suicides but I’m not really sure. Either way I hope you make the decision that’s best for you. I know it isn’t easy going through what you’re going through. I wish doctors practiced euthanasia and weren’t such cowards. Where’s Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?
oh my god I wish somebody like Dr. Kevorkian was around to help us.
All the research I did led me to the same conclusion as you, that the two options you’ve described are the most efficient.
Have you done any research on Helminthic therapy to improve your health?
Also, they are doing assisted suicide in lots of European countries now, if your health is bad. I’ve even heard that they will help people exit their lives in Belgium for people long suffering with depression.
Reinstated … nice 😉
To those asking about Kevorkian … he would never have helped folks in similar situations. He was very specific to only help those who were diagnosed as terminal and very close to the end. Although i can’t say i disagree with the fact that there should ba a process that allows those who want to go … to go. but i don’t know how you create such a process. I know first hand that despite how low and dark a situation might appear, things do in fact change and had i exited at a moment when i thought i had no choice, i’d have not made real tangible positive effects for people around me and had my own positive experiences.
I honestly can’t be 100% sure that the positives outweigh the negatives… but they are real … and that cannot be denied. I think there is some level of selflessness in all of us that would allow us to accept some negatives in order to positively affect change for someone else. but there is a limit to what should be considered acceptable – but that is a value judgement for each individual.
the great double standard is how we talk a big game on how we should help the folks with depression and mental illness … and in the same breath deny them help and skeptically accuse them of faking or being “emo” … if you ask me, it’s better to be taken in by 5 people who might be faking than it is to deny 95 people who are really suffering … but in my country (USA) they’d rather be SURE to help 5 people who they are absolutely positive are suffering mental illness/depression and deny 95 people who they cannot definitively diagnose with the problems … but as usual – it all boils down to money … and think of all the money they can pocket by casting doubt on your claims
I’m sure jesus was a penny pincher too … i’m sure of it … right 😛
and they wonder why i want out …
skeptical of humanity dawg