I don’t have the energy or clarity of mind to even write all the reasons why I feel this way. All I know, is that the last 32 years, including my horrific so called childhood have been fraught with worry and pain. I think of suicide at least once a minute these days (past year). No-one would put an animal through this much pain and inner turmoil, so why do I have to live with this? The only reason i’m still alive is the fear of my suicide failing and being left with a damaged body to live within whilst being caged in a mental health asylum. Sometimes when I devise a plan and I’m ready to go – I get terrified that the pain in my head will still be there when i’m dead or more pain will await me upon death. As though this pain will never ever end, like it does on this planet for me. Why is mental health so stigmatised, why can’t my GP think of mental health problems as she does physical health problems. its not my fault.
19 comments
hey, it’s definitely not your fault. I’m also terrified of dying and death itself. I use logic to calm myself. I tell myself that if there is no god and we are just a result of a big bang, then we will cease to exist when we die and the pain stops. And if there is a god and some kind of spirit realm, then we will be rid of this body and all the earthly sufferings will be over. It’s logical and that made my fear of death itself go away. But my fear of dying remains – I am indeed afraid of failing so I am working on a fool-proof plan which will take a few more months. I don’t think your GP is the right person for you – try seeing a psychiatrist, you might find some relief.
Thanks.
If there is a god that is capable of inflicting so much pain now, why would it stop upon death.
I have a good plan, but even that 0.0001% chance of it not working is enough to stop me. It would mean I might have no job to come back to if I fail.
In the UK healthcare is dreadful – the NHS. My gp told me to go out and have some fun, if I could do that I wouldn’t be at the appt.
Your GP doesn’t sound very helpful. ‘To go out and have some fun’ when you are in this state of mind is very difficult. I’ve tried many times, and all I keep thinking of is how much pain I am in, how different to other humans I am, and I can’t enjoy anything unless I’m drunk and even that is out for me now because I am on medication.
There are many theories which validate why the pain would stop upon death. If there is a god, maybe he incarnates us as punishment for things we have done in the past or karmic lessons to learn in this life. I don’t know but it’s possible. In either case we know for sure that death means a release from the human body, so half of the sufferings of this life are let go. As a spirit it is possible to continue to experience pain, but I want to believe that it ends with death.
Thats a typical answer “go out and have fun”. the problem is that fun isnt something people like us are capable of having anymore. thats as bad as my mom telling me to “go out and get some fresh air” …. If my problems were solved by fresh air I would be shocked. I too fear death but the thing is……death gives NO fuck if we die today or in 80 years because in the end we still die. I know i cant let the fear of failing a suicide stop me otherwise I will be stuck in this miserable existence a long time from now
Know what? I am suicidal for every damn second since I was a kid. For 10 years. Oh, is it better than you? No. I just don’t know. And you won’t know either.
Thats’s the only thing stopping me: failing and getting the energy to go and buy what I need.
I already have everything I need. I have planned it out and wrote my goodbyes but I am just a ***** with no balls. I hate feeling weak and depressed. I dont care though because I refuse to live a life like this I just cant. I will follow thru on my plan its just a matter of time for me
How are you planning to make the exit? I have two plans and I’m still trying to decide. Either to get wasted on booze and hang myself, or to take sleeping pills and drown in a bathtub. It’s also a matter of time for me it takes time to not be scared of pain, dying and then death itself and what comes after.
My delay is that the only method I can do means waiting a few hours for it to take effect. Methods are not allowed to be discussed
My hesitation/procrastination is due to the “unknown & what ifs of death”. If I knew for sure what comes during and especially after I die I would be able to make a decision for sure about staying or leaving…….I think most will agree with me on that.
@DeathDreamer: Stephen Hawking wrote a book that he states, according to him- that GOD is not necessary for the creation of life on Earth to have had occur but he doesn’t rule out a supreme-being although he himself doubts it.
BIG BANG DIDN’T NEED GOD
I read that book. It’s called the Theory Of Everything. And like you said, he doesn’t rule out the fact that a supreme being does exist. Besides like I said, both are theories with no proof. I think believing in the big bang is the same kind of faith as believing in god. It has never been proven. And to believe that something just came out of nothing.. Anyway yes method discussion is not allowed but mentioning them is. Was just curious
Here’s what i think:
If there is a God, who did indeed intend for everything to be the way it is, and for all of us to experience what we have, then that also means that every bad thing that has ever happened to anyone, including suicide, rape, grievous injury, and the holocaust, was either intended, or allowed to occur, for some purpose.
If i am a mere human being, who “God” intends to remain hidden from, intends for me to continue suffering in the ways i do, and knows that it’s likely that i will indeed end my own life, because of it…
Then why would any all-knowing, all-powerful, eternally loving creator, punish me… his own creation… for being exactly what he intended me to be?
If there is a God, then god either makes, or allows, people to kill themselves. If he intends or allows me to suicide, then how can he blame me? That would make him incredibly unfair, imperfect, and not all-loving.
“God” gave me a brain to interpret this world, the ability to ask questions, and then concealed himself from me.
Why would a perfect being be displeased with the results he intended to create? “He” wouldn’t.
OR… none of the religions have ever accurately defined whatever “God” supposedly exists. Either God doesn’t not exist, or all theistic religions are wrong.
Therefore: all theistic religions are wrong, anyway.
That said:
There is actual evidence to strongly suggest that “the big bang” did in fact occur. There is a “tangible” way of identifying after-effects from an event, which we can actually locate and observe. We have techniques and instruments and a rather significant understanding of the way matter and energy interact, which seems to be quite similar across all observable nature. We’re pretty sure there was a big bang… because we have “justifiably reasonable” indications, from what we can, in fact, observe.
There is nothing we can, or ever have observed, that justifiably, reasonably, indicates the existence of any “God.”
Is there stuff we don’t know? Sure. Lots. But there’s also quite a lot we do know.
You can’t go around saying things like “oh, it’s all ‘just theories,’ ” and expect to be taken seriously. I recommend investigating the actual definition of theory, and then attempting what that word means in the context of science.
good post clevername
Ugh, typos.
“Either God doesn’t not exist, or…” should be either “does not” or “doesn’t,” but not “doesn’t not.” lol.
Also managed to omit a word at the end, in the last line.
I hope the point got across anyway.
Just the fact, clever, that you seem so anti god and that you have no idea wether he really exists just shows how little truth you have. God IS The Goodness in our hearts, He’s the part of you that cares for people and serves them through your life. the world ‘lacks’ in God and that means you do too. You seem to think that you can see a lot of insight but its really not that good, people think it is and compliment you because they are on a similar level – nothing else. The world is NOT that good and truth is the VERY signature of ‘good’ and so how do you ‘think’ that you ‘know a lot of stuff?.. that you have a lot of truth? that doesn’t quite add up. You don’t even know your own truth, ‘clever’ or your own soul, you don’t even know that you don’t know IMPORTANT things about yourself, maybe if you did you’d realise just how blind you are? Your eyes are crooked. you don’t ‘see’ the things that make you bad as in NOT divine and that IS WHY you don’t know God – because you lack in God. You lack in god which means your partly Satan, yes yes yes yes yes – its all about the heart. I’ve known you long enough to know you’re NOT a friend. Do you think that god makes that? don’t flatter yourself.
You know your really quite a selfish and critical person, do you ever stop to think why God might not be something in your life? how could he be? GOD is the thing that makes us GOOD He is THE thing that gives us ‘truth’ without him you have no Truth. Everything you think you know is SHIT. the time you realise that is the time you search for more
I didn’t even read your post I’ve read enough of them to know more about you than you do about yourself. ‘God creates people of self destruction, god puts evil in man heart’ wake the fuck up and realise that you’ve made the same mistake as man, you’ve ‘confused’ the Lord thy God with your ‘God’ – SATAN . The very fact you under estimate the devil is your down fall. The bad you ‘think’ is ‘God’ is REALLY just The devil. You think that God is bad because YOU’RE THE BAD and nothing else.. Get back in your fucking place uncleverman and realise GOD IS GOOD.
I wont get into a religious debate but I have my own beliefs and thoughts. Eveyone has to decide for themselves Its like looking in a pitch black room and someone asking you to guess whats inside. you never know 100% for sure until you are inside and can feel around and see for yourself…..It could be empty or furnished you dont know because you have no way of absolutely knowing.
but as far as my method for exiting I chose carotid compression because it it easily done and I dont have to buy or obtain pricy things….its painless and from my research and experimentation I will lose consciousness rapidly about 5-10 seconds
Thanks for making my point for me, Painman.
“…I cant help but have an issue with something that’s giving me an issue.”
/2013/07/man-was-meant-to-suffer/#comment-263211
You don’t know me at all, “man.”
I’m actually a little worried for your mental state, after such a vitriolic display of vituperation.
My question is this: If i’m “evil” and getting the suffering i “deserve for being ‘evil,’ ” then…
Why do you seem so upset?
I think what’s actually happening, is that you’re upset that something you read made it harder for you to ignore the reality i profess. “I have seen things, man, and stuff.” I never said i knew everything. When i say i know “lots of stuff,” that doesn’t mean it’s a high percentage of the total amount of learnable knowledge people could grasp.
You’re being hypocritical, acting like you “know” that there is definitely a god, and that i am definitely somehow the bad guy, for actively avoiding causing others to suffer. I am the most considerate person you’ve never met. I do almost everything i can, to avoid arbitrarily causing people problems that can be avoided.
I never said i was “all good,” and i won’t deny being “part bad.” Most humans have a mix of good and bad. Without the bad, our ancestors wouldn’t have survived long enough to produce “us.”
One last thing:
Have you ever read the story of Job?
God and Satan supposedly were sitting around having a pissing contest, and God told satan he could do _whatever he wants, but not kill job_, in order to prove how loyal and faithful were his followers. Just to prove the validity of his own bragging rights, to the most powerful being who had ever betrayed him.
If that is not, literally, exactly the definition of “allowing evil to prosper in the world,” then maybe i just never figured out this whole “English” thing.
Surely “God” would be powerful enough to find some other way that didn’t involve causing profound, irreversible, undue agony, anguish, and several deaths of women and children, just “to prove a point to satan.”
@clevername Maybe the Bible doesn’t represent God.. there are many inconsistencies in that book and it was written over 2000 years ago. Also, ”strongly suggests” is not the same as concrete evidence (in reference to the big bang). Everything happens for a reason. Maybe we fucked up in our past life and that is why we are being punished now. But then again, like you, I cannot find a reason why there is no other way that doesn’t involve ‘profound, irreversible, undue agony and several deaths’ and why it brings us to the point where we have to actually take our own life. I can only hope that death brings comfort because like me, OP is terrified of the unknown. If you read ‘The Master and Margarita’, the Devil says, ”..You don’t believe in anything? But man needs to believe in something..”