My life has had good times and bad times, grew up in a violent household, but get on well with both parents now.  Average poor kid.  Older brother younger sister.  I have always been rubbish at relationships though, always pick the wrong person but I have come to the conclusion there is no right person.  First guy just stopped loving me.  He said he loved me but he didn’t.  I could tell.  Second guy, we had two kids then he slept with my next door neighbour.  Third guy, we have a kid, but things aren’t good.  This man that I feel like I do everything for says he loves me, swears by it even, but can’t help but put me down all the time.  Throughout my relationships I have let bad debt get a hold on me and now I owe £15,000 roughly.  Not masses in the big scheme of things but way more than I have.  I can’t get a job and as my partner had his wages docked because of ill health we can’t even afford to fee our kids.  On February 16th 2012 my brother died very suddenly at age 44.  The person I was closest to on the whole planet, who always looked out for me, gone in an instant.  Today is his birthday and he should be 46.  I miss him like you could not possibly imagine.
Things are bad at home. Â My partner doesn’t want any kind of physical relationship with me despite still wanting us to marry. Â We argue and say hateful things. Â We shouldn’t be together, but my son adores him and i can’t do that to him. Â But in the mean time I am just the ‘selfish’ and unsupportive one because I want to learn to drive and be more independent. Â Everyday I see people having fun, enjoying holidays, parties, social stuff. Â They can afford little treats and stuff. Â But I can’t. Â I can’t afford to feed my kids. Â They would all be better off if I had died and not my brother.
I just want to opt out of life, to stop.
3 comments
I struggle with the same things. In debt, in trouble with money, mostly from when I was an idiot college kid with a drug habit. 2 young kids, sick of struggling to “get by” instead of enjoying my life. I guess my only advice is to try to get help with the anxiety from a professional. I’m seeing someone next week for mind crushing anxiety and depression, though I know I probably can’t afford it. Just wanted you to know you are not alone…
if you aren’t married to this person, do no marry! it sounds like you are being robbed of your freedom.. you should learn to drive and stuff like that..
and wanting no physical contact is just is begging for more troubles in the future..
marriage in your circumstances is like the final lock on your prison.. at least learn some independent skills(like driving) before you do that.. otherwise you will REALLY
be stuck..
I say all of this because your situation sounds really bad already.. I’m usually all
for marriage..
I think you need to be more independent, i think you need to find a job and my a social life outside of your kids and relationship. Also staying together for the kids is a bad idea for the kids they know even at a young age ye’re not happening, also in later years you might start resenting your kids for that , but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t spend less time with their father, even if ye are unhappy together that should never affect their relationship with their father, ye will have to learn to get on without the relationship. Ye will alway be tied together but that doesn’t mean ya had to to stay together it just means that their father has a say and is always in their lives because happy parents means happy kids but don’t feel tied to your parenter to make that happen. Loans can be paid off it might take time but remember it can be done 🙂