It just hurts so fucking bad.
To think that people can change.
When it’s obvious they can’t. They never have.
I just keep hoping…
why do I hope? Why do I have hope in anyone or anything?
I just get let down.
I let people down.
I let myself down.
I fucking gave up on myself. I’m never good enough.
Never stable enough.
I just don’t know what to do
and everything is getting so much worse
it’s like the world is closing in around me
and I’m suffocating
I feel like I’m already dead
but my soul is being ripped apart.
And so badly I just want to fade into oblivion.
Do you know that the thought of dying makes me feel HAPPY?
I play with knives and guns and pills
put myself on the brink
but stop right before I push myself over
but sometimes I can’t stop me
sometimes I just want to give in
I’m not strong enough to keep my head above the raging waters
from the flood of misery and suffering and memories and nightmares that FUCKING FLOOD MY HEAD
I keep wondering…
if it’s possible to drown inside your mind.
I am so broken
I am so lost
and I have nowhere to turn
nowhere to go
no one who can help
I’m going to die
and it’s going to be me that puts me in the grave
it’s just a matter of time…