Sisters

My sister and I have not spoken in many years. She hates me she told me she was jealous of me and then moved away and changed her number. When I saw her she was not the same person that I remembered. Everyday I think about her and miss her so very much. She will not call me she will not write me in her world I do not deserve a chance. I always was a good sister to her. To her I was a pain. To me she is everything that I have carried this huge weight without her for many years. I only wanted her to love me in this life and be proud of me instead she hated me and was jealous of me. I am often suicidal because of this. She is on facebook yet blocks me it hurts so much I am her sister yet she treats strangers better than me. I am suffering without her every day. She has inflicted on me a world of pain that I never deserved she wants to get even with me or hurt me and she has done this. I am her punching bag and I feel her punches every single day. I do not know how to not take these punches and believe that i am worthwhile that I am a good sister that it is her loss. She does not care and yet my world is crushed without her. Why has this happened to me why does she do this to me? Why?