I don’t belong

I feel so sad, alone, depressed. I try, I really try hard to find something positive in my life. But everytime I start to believe that maybe life will take a turn to the better something bad happens. Something that crushes my spirit. People don’t care how I feel, if I get hurt, if I don’t sleep at night because I cry. Even though they see me falling apart they turn away and pretend that they don’t know. They do what they want to do even though it affects me as well. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to be happy, why do I have to suffer and work so hard just  to survive? If life is supposed to be this awful I don’t want to keep on living, I don’t want to go day by day hoping that one day things might change because if I believe that I am only deceiving myself. The only thing that keeps me going is that I don’t want to hurt the people I love, but on the other hand they don’t really care if they hurt me so I guess that makes it okay.  I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.