Goodbye

I’m nineteen, tried suicide four times this year, spent 16 weeks in a psychiatric hospital and have been depressed for four years. Tell me one reason why I should carry on to live every day wanting to die. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve experienced mental, physical and sexual abuse, my parents have a drink problem my brother is in prison and my other brother does not talk to me. I’ve attempted to hang myself and I’ve taken over doses. When I last overdosed I had to go to hospital by ambulance and I was left with kidney damage. But hey, what do I care if I have kidney damage when all I want to do is die.

Every single day suicidal thoughts race through my mind. I collect ropes and keep them in my room just in case. I’ll never attempt an overdose again because I know it won’t be successful. I now only have thoughts of hanging myself. I like my thoughts of suicide. That’s another thing that doesn’t make sense to me. I have been feeling very impulsive lately,  I like to shout at people, I get annoyed very easily and I don’t like being around other people. There’s nothing that I really want to live for. Nothing. I plan to write my friends and family letters and kill myself next Wednesday. There we go.  So I guess this is goodbye.