my depression

I’ve changed so much in the last 5 years (I’m 14) I used to be so happy, so carefree,so blameless… what has changed? When did I stop being happy , when did everything become my fault?

I tried to kill myself this summer because I hated my dad and he was always bossing me around and insulting me.I hated him so much that I wanted to run away but I didn’t have anywhere to go… so I decided it would be better if I just killed myself and leave a note that would make him feel guilty… I tried to kill myself but I couldn’t I tried cutting myself but after I cut myself I couldn’t cut myself any deeper…I didn’t try to overdose cause I already researched it and it’s harder to die from overdose…I tried drowning myself but I couldn’t make myself breathe in… I really tried to suffocate myself with a bag but It only made me feel light headed  after 5 minutes… About a month later I stayed over my sister’s house for 3 days (she found out that I had cut myself) when I came back home my dad said he didn’t miss me and that I shouldn’t have came back. I told my older sister(who is 26) what he said and she came over and talked to him about me being depressed and cutting myself.After that he was a little nicer.Since then I have been a little happier , I’m still depressed but I’m a lot better than I was at the beginning of summer