HELP me
What am I doing wrong???
Why can’t you love me for me?
I’m sorry
Sorry sorry sorry sorry
I was never the daughter you wanted, never a good friend, never a good lover, never good enough.
I failed at everything I didn’t know I was suppose to be
Why can’t you love me? You’re suppose to be my family, you said you would always be there…But…
You don’t even see the slits on my skin, didn’t notice the blood, and I never tried to hide it
I want to scream at you, scream at me
But every time I open my mouth there is no sound
I am trapped withing myself, reaching for your hand yet falling further and further each time.
1 comment
Yes, you are right. Shit families never help when you need them.
But I think you don’t ask the right questions. What about these?
– What are THEY doing wrong?
– Are THEY a good friend?
– Are THEY a good family?
– Are THEY a good lover?
– Are THEY good enough?
– If yes, why are you here in a site called “Suicide Project” asking for help from strangers?
If you have a toxic family, the best you can do is always examining these questions from your own point of view.
Have you read the book Toxic Parents from Susan Forward? It helped me a lot.
The other thing I’ve been trying recently with more or less success is being a minimalist.
We are conditioned to always be the best, perfect, without any fault, etc. Most of us, depressed people are hard-core maximalists.
That’s why we are always sad and frustrated. So I decided recently I’d try to become a minimalist. I only want to aim at the least which is already acceptable.
My main goals since then:
– I don’t want to go to prison.
– I don’t want to go to mental hospital.
– I want some food and a place to live.
Quite the minimum of life I think. Everything which is more than that (like a good job, or pretty looks, or deep human relationships) is considered as a bonus, which I feel myself great for.
However I try to live this way recently, I hardly can do, as maximalism is so deeply conditioned into me. But I strongly believe minimalism can be a good solution to my anxiety problems.
I hope you realize that it’s not a problem that you can’t be perfect (nobody can), and people can require perfectness from their loved ones only if they have zero faults, and always act perfectly. But if they are shit and they require you to be gold, than they are more than ridiculous.
(Sorry for my grammar, i’m not a native speaker.)