The way to avoid being let down, is to not expect too much.

One way to forget how much disappointment hurts, is to be angry when people like me tell you not to hope.

Don’t hope.

See?

Is anger better than disappointment?

My perspective on that, is that anger, while potentially very painful, is also motivating and gets things done, where disappointment, despair, depression… only leads you further into your own hole, leaving you not enough energy to get out.

Then again, if you stop hoping, you won’t be disappointed or angry. You’ll just get bored when you learn to expect what will actually happen, rather than being disappointed by what doesn’t.

So maybe the oscillating back and forth between anger and despair, is what keeps us living. When you’re bored and hopeless and expect nothing much good to ever happen… there’s not much reason to do much of anything, anymore.

But then… if something good, that you didn’t expect, happens to come along… you get to be ecstatic! And it will feel like the best thing… ever… and due to lack of expectation, you will feel privileged to receive such a deeply appreciable gift.

I suppose it’s good to understand your own oscillations, to manipulate yourself well enough so that you can sort of guide your own course; know when to wobble wildly, or when to tighten up to portray a semblance of balance.

Also, i definitely know how it feels to be so frustrated by people not understanding me, when i’m quite certain what i say should make sense.

But i just have to accept that not everyone will be able to understand what i want to communicate, and i may not always verbalize it just right… and so i should not expect that everyone should understand what i wish they would… no matter how hard i might be willing to try.

IRL, i don’t speak much anymore. It’s often useless, or utterly arbitrary.

I could certainly understand the appeal of wanting to continue living, but without having to deal with the rest of the world.