I wake up each morning alone in my bed, unable to breathe when I think about the depressing things in my life.
I go to school alone, sit in class near people who are fakes. I talk to those around me, but can’t get close to anyone. I grow envious of those who laugh and smile with close friends near by, wondering why I can’t have someone like that.
I go home alone, heading straight to my room, where I’m caged in for years now.
I do homework and study alone, sitting on my room, unable to breathe thinking of how many people I trusted have lied to me and all left me.
I make study groups with classmates seated near me after school on fridays and ask people to study, but I know they’re just using each other, nothing like friendship. No joy, no conversations.
I log online alone, seeing all my former friends not logged on anymore or just plain left me and distance themselves. All of which are “living life to the fullest” as they would say to me, after I help them not feel sad anymore.
I stay in my room alone, until the night that I sleep, struggling to breathe when the loneliness creeps in.
I do what I can to finish school work, then head to bed alone. I lie down, thinking and wondering, feeling the emptiness deep in my soul seep out throughout my body and mind, agonizing.
I wake up again each morning, to feel the same things and the same emptiness happening over and over again. I wonder when this will ever stop. I wish I can find a good way to die or just was never born in the first place.
13 comments
Are you thinking about hurting yourself if so how?
Deep Abyss I wake up every morning breathing heavy if breathing at all from the same pain and anxiety you face. I feel like I have no purpose at school or in this world anymore 🙁 I wish we can find a painless way to die already as well.
I understand how you feel this is almost to a tee exactly how my day goes as well except for the actual studying. I can’t focus on school I get too wrapped up in worrying about mostly nonsense and failing and then when the test comes guess what I fail. I feel like I am getting no where in life and wonder why the hell was I born? I hate to say this, but I do find it comforting that someone else feels this way too. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here to listen.
@ hani3: yeah.. I’m trying to see if there’s any way I can die without failing it and have to suffer even more. Sometimes I wake up like at 4am, and won’t be able to get back in bed cause it’s hard to breathe, having bad dreams that remind me of depressing things.
@Beautiful Disaster: yeah… I can’t sit still doing my homework for more than an hour at most before I can’t sit there anymore. Sitting there doing my homework, doesn’t help make me feel any better. The loneliness of sitting there doing my homework makes it worse a lot of times. Yeah.. I ask myself those questions too. And same to you… I’ve faced a lot of things, I’m willing to listen too if you want to talk.
@Deep Abyss /b. Disaster I’m glad too that we can relate and have eachother in this less fortunate way but Wow I’m truly in the same situation right now I find it impossible to study at all due to all the anxiety Im up at 5am just lying in bed thinking about how to get out of this sadness but it’s impossible for me. Someone brought up ingesting sodium nitrite (the type of salt for preservatives in food) will make a person unconscious especially since the lethal dose is 4 grams for a person that’s 120lbs. But a tablespoon of this will equal 14 grams.
I know their is side effects beforehand bit what do you guys think of this since getting a hold of more poisonous drugs are much harder?
Yeah… it’s really impossible for me too since I don’t really got any friends or anyone I can truly trust to be there for me anymore. Been trying to pull out of it myself by killing myself, but can’t find a good way yet.. and I don’t know if that’ll work. I never heard of trying that before, but that sounds like if it’ll fail, you’ll just end up living with really bad health problems instead… making living even worse than it is already..
You may be right but at this point I’d like something that will complete the job all the way. I myself have tried overdosing on 15 of hydrocodone 5-500 pills. I was completely frustrating because nothing happened except vomitting the entire day, so I’d suggest not to use ordinary pain killer type of drugs because your body will somehow find a way to fight back.
At this point the only for sure thing would be cyanide poisoning but where can we buy something like potassium cyanide online?
Does anybody have any ideas please let me know
Guys don’t give up just yet God know I want to also, but part of me knows I came on here to find people like me so maybe I wouldn’t go through with my plan.
Personally the pill route is a terrible idea too big of a chance at messing it up. Has to be the right dose, what if someone finds you first, you will probably throw it up, and most states have it where you can’t get the good stuff in decent amounts.
Sorry, I don’t know where you can buy that, but overdosing doesn’t always work. Sometimes it fails and you end up worse than when you started, but is still alive to suffer even more… so I’ve heard.
@Abyss Yeah the pill route is terrible since most people do survive it. That’s why potassium cyanide is a better choice since that actually IS poisonous idk I’m at the point of giving up and have to get this somehow.
I can’t go through this anymore but what did you want to do Abyss?
I want to die, but I can’t figure out a good way to do so. I’ve tried to fight this feeling and asking others to be there for me, but it always end up the same. They lie. They fake. They abandon. I’m going to wait until I can find a sure and easy way to kill myself or something. It’s really hard to breathe when I find myself alone inside my room again. I’m not hopeful for any future anymore.
It might be poisonous.. but then it might also hurt a lot when you suffocate under that poison. I’ve thought of poison and all that before too, but I rather not risk that and then have someone discover I used it, rush me to the hospital, then survive with major organ injuries… instead of dying like I intended. If you’re not afraid or writhing in utter pain for minutes and minutes that seems like hours until you die… I guess something poisonous would work..
@ abyss Idk what to do it seems like poison like potassium cyanide would do it but else would there be then ?
Do you think there is a more painless / quicker death ?
I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I’ve never heard of poison by that, but all I know is that poison will hurt when you die.. cause it slowly destroys your cells inside your body as you writh around unable to breathe and then die. Something like that.. and there might be.. I just don’t know what is it yet..
your just like me when i was in highschool…..
bt now since im in college…im trying my best just to have my friends…. to have fun with them,..just approach some of your classmates… ithink
-vu!u-