Nothing

I remember the last time I wrote in this site. (Sorry for english mistakes , brasilian here) I wasn´t even on meds yet. I didn´t realize how fucking dificult things could become. And they did. Now my parents “Know”. And I say” know” beaucse , despite what 3 doctors say to them , they still think what I have it´s just a fase , or it´s hormonal , or even that I´m making up all this crap just as an excuse for beeing in a crappy mood and getting bad grades at school. The pills don´t make any diference , and the pain is justgettig stronger. I realise I´ve became only this gray gue of endless saddnes , tears and fake smiles.

Three days ago , when I was in school , I just craked up. I don´t know what happened , I just started criyng and I couldn´t stop. I was on the bathroom flor , hopeless , screaming things like ” I don´t want to die! but I can´t do this anymore , I can´t take i anymore! I´m sick , I don´t want to be sick , I want to be normal!” . I had to call my parents to go pick me up. I feel that I can´t take it anymore , I´m losing it , I´m getting mad and the only thing I can do is sit and watch my sanity walk away with my soul.

I don´t have anythig to talk about. Just  how miserable I am…ut what good is that for? speaking about saddness , and grief, and all those stuff that never end…I just want to end. Now. END. It´s too hard , too fucking hard…