It’s  strange. I feel guilty for even coming here. but I just need someone who will listen and understand. even though you’ve never seen me, or touched me… I have more faith in you than the actual people that have. I keep having these visions. I keep seeing my death as if it’s already happened. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been my best friend. I’ve been my worst enemy. I’ve told myself that all of those religious people are just afraid. They’re afraid of not knowing. They’re so scared that they can never know what happens free death, even when they feel most sure that they do. I remember being in a white room before I came into this world. Time was inexistent. There was nothing there but me. Alone. I sometimes would daydream about this place all over again though out my childhood. I would feel doomed. I’ve always felt energies coming off of other people. I am very empathetic towards the pain and suffering of others. I would trade places with them in a heartbeat… which is why I jut can’t bring myself to do what I’ve been thinking about doing. I think of all of the beautiful people I’ve touched. I think of how they would feel once they’d heard what I had done. And I cannot stomach being the burden of a weight that sickening.  Still, I have a dilemma. I feel too sick and doomed and cursed by fate to carry on like this everyday. I couldn’t. But even in the worst times, like these, I still can’t help looking back and almost falling apart over how miraculous life truly is. i’m at a crossroads