I have tried suicide before but when I OD’d my body got all tingly and it hurt and the pain forced me to call for help. They said it was enough that I would have died had they not gotten to me in time so I know it would have worked. I want to do it again and finish the job this time but I’m scared that it will hurt again and ill have too much time to feel the pain and will call for help.
I would jump in front of a train but that would scar the conductor for life and I don’t want to do that to anyone. I same reason I don’t want to jump from a building, whoever finds me would be traumatized. I don’t want my family to find me and be scarred either. I have considered jumpin off a bridge somewhere and hopefully never being found but I don’t want my mom to waste her life looking for me and hoping that I’m alive somewhere.she’s gone theough a lot and I dont want to hurt her but I cant keep living. Ideally I’d like to shoot myself and fall into a river to make surethe job gets done but Im only 19 and have no one to sign for a gun license for me.
As you can see there is a lot that goes into this whole death process and I can’t figure out how to make this as painless as possible for my mom and myself. Should I just get it over with and stop thinking about it so much?
5 comments
There is no way around it; your death will traumatize various people. Even simply going missing and never being found, will traumatize various people. That inevitable traumatizing of others is something you’ll just have to accept will occur.
The only thing i can recommend is to keep waiting and trying to find a way to make life less agonizing.
Sup Jessy, sad to hear about your condition. We’ve all been there before in some way or another. Would you mind if I ask you what led you to take your own life? Surely everyone’s got a story. I’m here if you need someone to talk to or just vent.
There are kids walking around with mac 10 sub machine-guns and we need a licence? Kids!
Why do you feel the way that you do?
Since people are curious, ill tell you vaguely why I’m doing this. I don’t really want it to be a sob story…
I’ve wanted this for years. Home life is a mess. I’m not good enough at anything to make a living. The love of my life left me years ago. Living each day hurts more and more. Plus this world is so fucked up.
Anyway, if anyone has any suggestions on how I can make this happen without chickening out due to pain, please let me know.