whyy?

When I was 6 I was sexually abused my uncle! And I stayed quiet about it for 8 years
When I was 10 I had kidney failure and I almost died
Now I’m 16 and I have everything under control

Last year in August 28, 2012 I lost my only brother. He was 26 years old. My cousin shot him!
I was a freshmen in high school when this happen, I use to be a straight A student, had all honors classes, never caused anything, and I used to make my parents so happy and proud of me.
when he was in the hospital I started skipping and I had this thing with a guy but he had a girl friend, but I loved him! But he would take care of me and made me feel secure! Well after my brother died I lost control I started crying every night, skipping, back talking, not caring, failing, and most of all disrespecting my parents
I still couldn’t believe I lost my brother it was horrible I wanted to die he was my best friend I loved him so much and I still do, what was I suppose to do with out him! I hated my cousin for doing this to our family! We were 6 I have 4 sisters and I had 1 brother!

I go and watch our home made movies of him, and only because I miss his voice, his laugh, and beautiful smile! I still cry! I lost my thing with that guy because I started being rude to him! But 7 weeks later we got back together! Now we are happy together hes mine and I love him that other girl is gone, I made him choose between me and her and he choose me 🙂
if anyone needs help tell me I gone try everything