Every time she talks to me it ends in the sad reality. I am afraid of starting the interaction. Vulnerability. She is interested in another guy. And that guy is interested in her. I think. What sucks is that she tries to care for me. She really does care for me but how can you fucking care for me while you are fucking happy your emotional hole is covered by this holy guy? It’s so fucking easy to have pity for me and give me your fucking crumbs. It’s so fucking easy. Simple.
It’s sickening. I can not escape this present world. I take another breath without wanting to.
I want it to be like how it was.
When I would call you and talk for hours. When you would text me till we both fell asleep.
When we would meet up and make out sweetly. When we would sneak up on our parents to hold each other.
She will never be mine.
This wound opens every time you insinuate things won’t be like before. When you say a little but mean a lot. Fuck.
1 comment
Unfortunately if it is someone you had a relationship with, or at least something meaningful than what it currently is, it is never a good idea to stay in touch with them. It can be mean of them to continue to give little crumbs of attention or let you think that there’s a chance things can get better again, but the responsibility is also in your hands, stop holding out your hand for crumbs and showing that you are willing to stand around and wait until she feels like coming back with a few more crumbs for you. If it’s over and if they are telling you that things will no longer be like before, it is best for your own health and sanity to walk away and let them be. Care for them enough that you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you in the picture. You said it perfectly yourself, the wound opens every time you interact with her and are reminded that things are not going to be like they used to be. Choosing to no longer contact someone who is moving on is respecting yourself enough to stop picking at the wound and allow it to heal. It will never heal if it keeps getting ripped open. And trust me I know what it’s like to not at all be ready to say goodbye to someone. I have hung onto people way longer than I should have so I speak from experience of letting a wound remain open for too long. In the moment, it might seem even more painful to walk away than to settle for crumbs, because at least you still have SOMETHING with that person, and how can you walk away from that? But as much as leaving it alone will hurt more initially, it is the only way to stop hurting in the long run. The sooner you find the strength to do it, the better off you will be. I have great regrets about the way I sacrificed my dignity and tried to remain in peoples lives long after they decided I wasn’t the one for them. Walk away with dignity and you may live to see another day where you two will speak as friends or reconnect. If you face the situation kicking and screaming and trying your hardest not to let go, the person will resent you even more and it’s entirely more likely that you’ll never talk to them again. I just took note of this in my own life the other day, I realized I still talk to a few ex girlfriends, and they are the ones that I was where I was able to handle the breakup with a spine and let it go. Any relationships where I didn’t handle the ending well and lost my self respect, I have never heard from any of them ever again. Do yourself a favor and don’t fight for something once the other person is no longer fighting for it with you.