So, I found this site after typing into my search engine “The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my dogs”. This statement has been true for me for almost 10 years now. I have been a collector of pets since I have been out on my own, and a hard look at myself made me realize that the reason for this is to give myself an excuse not to end it. After all, my dogs would starve to death if I offed myself, as I live alone and have no one here. That realization is a scary one for me, and not something I feel comfortable sharing with people that I actually know. I am hoping that the anonimity of this site can maybe help me to open up about what I am going through without fear of judgement, and maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who can help.
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Although I’m not an ideal person to speak with in regards to listening and offering support and assistance, I’m more than happy to lend an ear. If you give me your email we could chat or we could converse publicly out here. I can understand your worry about the fate of your dogs if you were to leave, and I think it’s admirable you feel such compassion for them you allow yourself to stick around for their sake (and perhaps your own as well) Breaking down and evaluating the core factors that have induced your suicidal ideation is the first step in attempting to resolve them. You can only recover if you want to, but anyways, what’s on your mind?
Oh, the usual “no one would miss me if I was gone” things. I really have a hard time being sympathetic towards myself about it all. Loneliness is so overwhelming and painful, but then that little voice in my head tells me that I could always go out and meet people…but being extremely shy in person makes that hard.
I dunno, I guess rejection (again) from someone I have feelings for has me really down right now. Just seems like there is something about me that drives people away. This most recent one was someone I have known for a very long time, and I thought that we had a connection…but after a small fight, he said the whole thing “scared him”. Which comes down to “I scare him”. It all makes me feel so small and ugly inside and out.
Goddamn, I empathize with you so much. I’m so despairingly lonely but I’m afraid of people, it’s a hellish paradox. I’m the same way, I’ve always thought that I was in control and could talk to people if I tried, but whenever I’m confronted with the opportunity I throw it out the door. Social skills are called skills for a reason, in that they can be developed and kindled over time. It’s never too late to pick up and improve social skills. What helps me I find it observing and listening to other people and taking not of how they interact with each other. Their intonation, their body language, their style of speaking, it’s all pretty interesting actually.
I’m in a similar position, it’s hard being rejected. I became really close to a person and the feelings seemed mutual but then when it all seemed to be falling together I was thrown into the friendzone. I’m glad I still have them as a friend, but it’s disappointing to be rejected and I’ve taken it more personally than I should, I beat myself up for it a lot.
I hope you realize those words were probably said all in the moment and he doesn’t actually feel that way. Relationships can be repaired with effort and care, not all hope is lost. Give him a call, try to communicate with him, work out what happened and things will return to how they were with time
I’m not too sure about that. I think that I was good enough to mess around with a few times, but not pretty or interesting enough for something more. I could be over thinking it, and I hope that I am, but this huge ache I feel inside won’t let me help but feel that way. I can still smell him in my bed and it makes me cry. I wish I could go back to that short moment when I has him and just live in it forever.
Dogs are better than men any day of the week … dogs are loyal and love unconditionally. I too remain topside mostly for my dogs … i actually only have 1 that i own (it feels dirty to say i “own” him) … but i foster several other dogs to give them a chance.
It’s important to readjust your life philosophy to recognize that only you can make you happy … others can only share the happiness you create for yourself … they can’t “make” you happy – it’s not their “job” and it’s unfair to ask or expect them to provide it.
Usually when a male says “it scares me” … it’s because they don’t want to commit to something … it’s a way of them saying basically … “i like being able to stop by for a booty call without investing in the relationship aspect” … dogs, on the other hand, they love the cuddly part of their relationship with humans.
Be selfish – take care of yourself – be accountable to and for yourself – love yourself … figure out what type of person you want to share you with and don’t compromise it once you got it figured out. I’ll be happy to expand on these thoughts when i have more time.
care dawg
Dogs ftmfw.
Also: it seems to me that almost all people want someone they think everyone else wants, whether they realize it or not. Most people do seem to want what they think everyone else has, just because they think everyone else has it. Lots of people also seem to whine and moan about not having someone, while being cold and dismissive to the perhaps less appealing persons who might be very capable of being their special someone, if not for being precluded from having any chance to explore anything.
It sucks, but i think it’s best to view someone who doesn’t want you, as exactly that: someone who does not want you. I find it very difficult to remain attracted to someone if i know they are content with defining me as a permanent non-option.
I don’t like spending energy on futile pursuits, and i don’t have time for anyone who won’t make time for me.