Why me?

I have a theory that if your day starts off great, it will end badly because it can only go downhill from there. If it starts out bad, it will end happy because it can only go uphill from there.

Today, my day started off great, and it’s ending horribly. My best friend is mad at me because I told some people she says strawberry with a lisp so it sounds like “shawberry”. I didn’t know she was embarrassed of it. Personally, I thought it was adorable. Plus, theres this guy who really annoys me because of the way he acts and one of my friends who has been talking to him says he thinks I’m annoying too. And even though i don’t like him, it hurt to know he cant stand me because we used to be friends actually.  Now my other friends are blaming me for thin not talking to him. And I feel like the whole world is against me. I know this is a big exaggeration but I wish I could just cry. I can’t thought since I’m in school. I don’t want to seem like I want attention.

And I remember today in my 5th period, I was hit with the thought that I am so alone. I truly am. And it knocked the breath out of me. I know that I’m not always a great friend, I’m selfish and I ignore the feelings of my friends but we all have our flaws.  My mom asked me before if I’ve ever thought about commuting suicide and of course, I said no. She then told me to never commit suicide because it’s stupid to end your life and I agreed. I mean it’s true, why end your life over little things like if someone called you a slut. But I realized why some people do it. It’s like no one is on your side and it hurts so much, like a rock crushing you softly but surely. And sometimes, I think about it. How would I do it, would it hurt, what would I write to people in my goodbye letters. I play out the whole scene in my head taking in every little detail. I just wonder if one day, I might ever put it into action