An outcast

Is it selfish for me to be on this site? Reading so many post about how people hate themselves and how they’re going to end it soon and here I am with a perfectly good life, not even sure if I can count myself as depressed. I found this poem that describes exactly how I feel but can I call that depressed? The poem says how even though I am happy, like when I’m laughing with my friends, at night, my happiness turns into sadness and I suddenly realize I am happy and I am sad but mostly, I am just empty. I dearly want to help as many people as I can on here and even though if I might not be depressed, I do know how it feels to be worthless and have self hatred. Even though I may only have these thoughts for a few hours or a couple minutes at a time, I am still filled with overwhelming sadness. Around all my happy friends, I am this outcast who walks alone and even on this site, I feel like I can’t even connect with ya’ll because how can I compare my pity problems to yours? And sometimes, I wish I could just become depressed so I could relate with you guys. I wish I could have depression so I could say my problems were important. Not these petty little ones. So please don’t misunderstand when I say you guys are lucky. It’s never lucky to be depressed and have thoughts about suicide but at least you guys have a group of people who you can connect too. And yes, you all say how alone you feel and like no one cares but this site, these people who sit in front of their computers reading your story are your friends. They’re listening and they care. For me though, I don’t fit anywhere. Not with my group of friends who are always smiling and not even with you guys who are always talking about how horrible your life is. Not saying that in a mean way. You rant all you want. Think of a Venn Diagram. I’m that part where the 2 circles meet. I connect both circles but I can never fit in either circle, forever stuck in-between.