writing on a fucking social network the feelings of a miserable man. It’s been five years since i’ve been depressed. It’s brutal. No counseling, no help, fuck it – you know how shameful would it be that everyone knew i’m crazy? Friends disappearing, people changing streets while i’m in. So i keep this pathetic pantomime, i keep crossing these same streets i’ve been crossing all my life – what is the cherry on top of the cake? Is that i’m fucking studying medicine, and i’m going to specialize in psychiatry, and i’ll be more fucked up than the people i will meet.
I stopped believing life is shit a couple of months ago. I stopped arguing with ideals, i stopped fixating on the bad sides of existence so that i had an apology, an explanation for my feelings: i always thought life was meaningless, THEREFORE i was depressed. But this is bullshit. Is never true, for anybody. The truth is: you are depressed, THEREFORE life is meaningless (just to you, you piece of shit).
There’s no absolute truth but the fact that your minds makes it up; and if you have a mind that leads you to cry at every goddamn evening, if you have a mind that refuses every little joke and pleasure of love, if you are depressed, you’re doomed.
5 comments
Life is meaningless, regardless of whether anyone is depressed.
The interesting thing is that depression seems to be the most common route to the realization that life is inherently meaningless. But that meaninglessness doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Once the expectation of an automatic meaning is removed, then we can get to the real problem: life is complicated and difficult, and most of us cannot do most of what we want to do, what we see as possible, what we hold as hope for making all the struggles worthwhile. If you can’t make it worthwhile, then it’s not worth doing.
If you prove the null hypothesis, the experiment should not occur. If you know you cannot gain what is worth expending effort toward, then you don’t attempt it… unless you’re just feeling reckless and/or want to make a point.
Life lacking meaning doesn’t have to lead to depression. Depression can certainly lead to the realization that life lacks inherent meaning, but the depression itself is not what causes that lack of meaning; it’s simply intrinsically meaningless, and it often takes peering into the depths of the abyss, through deep analysis of various often taken for granted aspects of life, to see that. Arriving upon that realization can be shocking and disorienting for people who are raised to believe that life has a meaning, through whatever fairytales they’re fed as children, and further, through the established paradigms they find represented throughout the “adult” world, as if that should somehow validate or justify those erroneous beliefs.
The truth is that doom is more finance-dependent, than it is linked to any depression. If you can’t survive, you’re doomed, whether you’re depressed or not, whether you think life has meaning or not, whether you even understand the definition of the word “doom” or not.
Both depression and perception of “meaning,” can certainly contribute, either positively or negatively, to the pursuit of material wealth… but it’s the ability to access that which makes us feel good, that is most important, not what it means, or whether it means anything at all.
Feeling good: it’s good enough for me.
Too bad it’s not accessible in my scenario.
Oh, and i forgot to mention: your experience with mental distress will surely help you to assist others in better understanding and dealing with theirs. It’s always nice to have the option to seek guidance from “someone who’s been there.”
You don’t have to be Micheal Jordan or Larry Bird, to be a great basketball coach. You don’t have to be Beethoven to teach music effectively. You don’t have to be Joe Montana, to teach someone how to throw a football.
But it helps if you’ve played, if you know how it feels to use the tools involved, and have spent lots of time understanding all the intricate nuance.
IMO, it takes someone who has been extremely depressed, to be able to help someone else cope with depression. If you haven’t been there, you can’t really understand. Your experience with the conditions you aim to address, will provide invaluable insight into those problems, that i doubt can be appropriately grasped by any who have not experienced them.
Helping others with similar problems to those you’ve personally struggled with, seems like a noble pursuit. That seems like a good way of creating worthwhile meaning in life.
It’s weird sometimes how I’m going to say something, then I see that Clevername already covered it.
Anyway, I understand why you don’t wish to tell people – I never told anyone in so many words, but they all assumed regardless, and now everyone thinks of me as a basketcase. Whatever. I’m lucky that I still have good days. I wouldn’t manage if it weren’t for that.
The only advice I can offer is to do your best to distract yourself… Anything to take you away from these depressive thought patterns. Every temporary diversion helps.
why do you care so much about what others think? screw em! It’s the little things that bring joy.
Why do you cry? are you lonely? Only you can make you happy. Do you think that everyone out there has someone that makes them happy? Nope. not even.
It’s NOT meaningless because You have meaning.
I’m don’t want to make this about me but if you fake it….even for a few days (like we all do. ALL of us) you can do this. You can be here. You CAN be happy. Other people bring us pain. It’s in YOU. It is. I promise.
thank you, to all of you