I don’t want to dance anymore. I don’t want to DANCE anymore. I want to walk away, but not without great memories. I want to walk away from this life with the smell of summer, fall, winter and spring in nostrils. I want to feel the warm breeze all over my body after a cold year. I want to feel someone’s lips on my forehead, someone’s hands cupping my face. The warm vibrations of a kitty purring on my chest and the feel of a newborn baby in my arms. I want to feel my cheeks automatically lift in a natural smile and I want to sit once more on a porch during the calm before a big storm. I want the yellow leaves to remind me of building leaf piles with my mom while wearing my little red and blue jacket. I want to lay with my head on my dad’s shoulder and listen to a hockey game one more time or have my mom rock me to sleep while we’re tape recording The Wizard of Oz off of the television. I want to dig my toes in the sand one last time, ride my bike with no hands one last time, have someone curl their body around mine one more time. I want to sit on a farm porch and listen to the crickets, the breeze, the animals all settling in as the sun goes down. One. last. time. But then I’d like to quit dancing. And I think that’s a fair choice. I don’t think I should have to explain my reasons. They are many and seem insignificant to those who have never shared my brain, my heart, my anxieties, my thoughts…no one. They come down to one thing: I wanted to be wanted and loved for being a good person and there are two things that I know to be true. I know myself to not be the great person I formally tricked myself into believing I was and secondly, that I’m not wanted in all of the places I need to be.
3 comments
This is beautifully written, just by the way…
Reading this, I believe you are a captivating person — good company I wouldn’t mind having around me.
i wish there was a way to favourite posts because this is very beautiful ;A;