I am in a real dark mood. Yesterday was real crappy and I could just feel myself plummet into darkness. Everything just seems like s___ or absolutely no positives can even be found/felt.
All night long I had dreams about hanging myself….. It is with a 100′ orange electric cable that I have in the basement…. how to tie it off, how to make a functional noose, where to hang it. How to position the chair so you can not undo it……
Yet I know that I have been in this place before and I probably do not have the balls to go through with it.
I am sick of me. I am sick of my own drama. I am sick of always feeling like crap. I am complete sick of life. I hate me.   PLEASE let me have the guts to finally end this shit
2 comments
not haveing big anuff balls to go through with it should be a positive thing in a racional sense because its keeping u alive.my problem is my balls are so huge they are in danger of exploding.what saying is when l had my suicide atempt,i was planning going through a usual fucked up suffering shity day and keeping my suicide urges under control and was planning to stay alive and indure the pain onto the next day. when all of a sudden something small hapened that pissed me off.and it was like l in less then a second my mind was decided as soon as i got back home l had no dout,l was going to make shure l would die as soon as possible in any possible way l could succeed in death.i was in a trance.got home,the first thing ate 50 sleeping pills,slashed my wrist then stabbed my self in the neck 3 times.came close to dyeing but er got me first.so haveing big balls in our situation can be deadly.
There´s lots of stupid crazy things you can try prior of hanging. Don’t know where you live. Some people I know went away to other places, and don’t seem that they’re coming back. Some of them are feeling better, kind of happy. Some are still lost and hopelessly sad. I think it is worthy a try. If the option is to kill yourself and terminate it all, than it means you’re free to try any thing. Go live in a caribean beach or in anyplace you feel like. Sell anything you have to pay for it, work with any shit there just to pay for food and bed. Why not? It sounds better to try it than the other way.