I am sick of me…………..

not haveing big anuff balls to go through with it should be a positive thing in a racional sense because its keeping u alive.my problem is my balls are so huge they are in danger of exploding.what saying is when l had my suicide atempt,i was planning going through a usual fucked up suffering shity day and keeping my suicide urges under control and was planning to stay alive and indure the pain onto the next day. when all of a sudden something small hapened that pissed me off.and it was like l in less then a second my mind was decided as soon as i got back home l had no dout,l was going to make shure l would die as soon as possible in any possible way l could succeed in death.i was in a trance.got home,the first thing ate 50 sleeping pills,slashed my wrist then stabbed my self in the neck 3 times.came close to dyeing but er got me first.so haveing big balls in our situation can be deadly.