Its been like a month since I actually planned a suicide. But I guess it just went away. But now its on my mind every minute of the day (no exaggeration). I see no life worth living if no one even wants to be friends or hang out with me. I couldn’t even get a girlfriend in my life but I guess that’s my fault.
I used to be afraid of dying in a painful way, but now I just don’t care. Ill hang myself with no second thought.
Though if you are reading this and wondering why the hell am i not dead yet. Its only because I’ve been thinking for the best way to leave a good note for my parents and something for the few people I used to talk to.
Might as well say it… The only thing I wanted really was just companionship of some kind. A best friend, girlfriend or whatever. I am not going anywhere with my confidence from a month ago so I’ve been just going downhill with whatever feelings I have left.
I don’t even know if I am depressed. I feel sadness, and cry a lot (practically everyday) but I also still have good laughs at situations sometimes.
6 comments
it’s depression, You questioning yourself if you are is enough. I remember doing that a lot. It fucks with your mind. I remember crying everyday. It was horrible. Now i’m simply annoyed, pissed and numb
Don’t give up, friend. Believe me, I know how you feel. In fact, I feel the same way you do. Every single day, the pain grabs onto me. You just learn to fight through it. I like to think that even if my life isn’t worth living, I can at least use it to improve the world for others. There are people out there who care for you, some of them complete strangers. I should know, I’m one of them. Eventually, your pain will ease. I promise you that. Keep fighting and stay strong.
i feel you. i allways question my self if life is hell and death is heaven…im verry misserable all the time and my hearts torn to shredds. im on my 3rd life and i wonder why i just cant die….i hate struggling everyday with my bypolarness , depression,social anxiety, im fked and i suclude my self to a mobile home all day out in the country away from people, so theres not much venting .inside im crying i just want it to END..
depression takes away everything..but its good u r able to have laughs here and there
Nobody reading ur post would be wondering why you weren’t dead yet. Just coz you want to die doesn’t mean you’re being forced to follow through with it.
It’s good to still have you with us. And everyone laughs when things are going well. Doesn’t mean anything about whether or not you’re depressed or suicidal.
You’ll find someone, man. Everyone will, unless you’re actively trying to be a hermit. It just takes time, and it takes even longer to find someone who will understand you.
Thanks for the replies I guess.
But I know I might eventually just end it by the middle of this month.
Though I am no sad about the death of me, just sad what I’ll miss out on. But I think its better this way. At least I do. I’m fed up.