The voices I hear
The things I see that aren’t real
The constant fear of life
The persistent want to die
The ugliness I see in the mirror
The fat I see all over my body
The hands I remember all over me
The nightmares I cannot run from
The family that hurt me and hate me
The people who hurt me when I was young
The people I can’t get out of my life
The little blemishes on the wall
The constant need for perfection in my safe place that I cannot reach
The step father who hates and hurts me
The mother who guilts me and takes my money
The mother who never protected me
The brother who holds a grudge for the one time I protected myself
The father that left for his new family and let it all happen
The step mother who took away my daddy
I hate that no one believes me
I hate that I’m too scared to tell the whole story
I hate that I’ll never be loved
I hate that all I feel is pain
I hate that they won’t let me die
I hate that they make me feel guilty for wanting to die
I hate that they grab me
I hate that they won’t listen
I hate that they won’t notice
I hate that I can’t stop crying
I hate that they don’t care
The thing I hate the most is the three men who stole my innocence, the three men who ruined me, the three men that made a future impossible for me. The one my mum loved and knew was hurting me, but she let him. The one my nanna married that she believed over me, and the one i am related to by blood who everyone believed.
Four doctors saw me, four doctors found evidence, four doctors believed me, all four doctors tried to help.
I man plead guilty. Only got 3 months, my family still didn’t believe me.
The others never even got told I spoke up.
I don’t believe in karma. I don’t beleive in god.
I believe in the fact this world is a horrible place, with horrible people, and the good people like me … And You, they get hurt.
2 comments
Awww, thanks for telling me I’m a good person. ( I’ll pretend that I believe that) I am so sorry this happened to you. I’m here to spread what little happiness I can, but it DOES get better. Wait, even move out when you can and cut off contact. And about the voices, I learned to live with them, Lucinda, who is one of the voices, (and who my account is named after, and is not me) constantly drags me down, but I just tell her she’s wrong, and then she’s beautiful, and that she is above the verbal abuse; Her, which doesn’t have a name, I haven’t really learned how to block out yet, and need help, brings me back to the five years; and Lorenzo, who tormented me for only one of those years, pushed me over he edge, but, I love them, they are now a part of me, just as yours are a part of you, as for the seeing things, think about a bunny, or something small and dainty, use the bunny to fend off the things, and soon, she or he will make everything seem harmless.
Sorry about going on about my life, it’s nice to get stuff out, but don’t feel like I need my own post. I love you. STAY STRONG.
That’s very helpful thank you