Its been stuck in my head all day. A few years ago I was called to an inquest (basically a death investigation) for a young girl. I’ve seen dead people before. It is unavoidable if you spend any time as a cop. Gallows humor was common and for years nothing phased me. This one was different. The mother…I can’t get her out of my head. Her tears. Her pleading. I knelt next to her daughter and I was helpless. I was going to try to do CPR until EMS showed up but it only took a moment to understand the truth. Rigor mortis had already set in. Her eyes were cloudy. Dried blood on her lips. She had been dead for hours. There was nothing I could do.
I had to suck it up and be the calm one as I watched this woman break down as I explained it to her. When EMS showed up they hooked up their equipment…it beeped as it turned on. She jumped and for a brief instant she thought her daughter was alive. It was like telling her all over again…no, she was dead. They only take the readings for legal purposes. I sat with her for over an hour as she cried and begged me to do something. I have never felt so powerless.
When I went home I couldn’t get her out of my head. I wound up putting my fist through the wall and breaking down. It was the first time I ever brought a death home with me.
I want her out of my head…I want it all to stop…Please, how do I make it stop?
2 comments
some things youll carry with you forever they just mess with your brain so much that no matter what you do its there the best thing to do is seek help and try to find methods of coping
At this point I’ve had enough to drink that its not really affecting me. A few weeks ago I tried to contact a therapist…I called 4 different ones and no answer. Not even an answering machine so I gave up lol.